The LifeAfterDeath Library

A lot of people have a lot of hopes for what will happen after they die. Some hope to meet Jesus – but I won’t be in that line. Some dream of meeting their loved ones -but that will probably get confusing, crowded, and complicated:

“Hey buddy – butt out! I was her FIRST Soulmate!”

“Uncle Charlie didn’t make it!? But he ALWAYS went to Church!”

“DAMN! What’s Aunt Louise doing here?”

“Momma, do I have to meet them ALL!?”

Some of the ‘Recently Arrived’ will push into the ‘All The Shrimp You Can Eat – Forever’ booth. Some might crowd the ‘Sleep With Kelly Rippa Pavillion’ (mostly men). Others would collect around the ‘Information Booths’ – “Hey! If this is Heaven, where are the strip bars and casinos?”

Me? I’d rush to the LifeAfterDeath Library where you could get all the answers to the questions you had on Earth. I’ll bet you wouldn’t even have to verbally ask the questions – you’d just put your hands on some orb and lasers would shoot out the images and answers.

My orb will probably be vibrating even before my hands are around it!

First image: Lee Harvey Oswald saying, “Of course I didn’t shoot him! I really WAS a patsy, Paolo.”

Miss Hartman from the second grade: “OK, you little bastard; I DID say, “I don’t like Wops.”

Hey – there’s Kathy Maloney! “OF COURSE I wanted to, Dumbass. You were stupid! ‘No’ doesn’t always mean ‘no’ when you’re seventeen.”

“Wait…. my big silver ring. There it is – under the desk! Look….uhhh, who’s hand is that? JENNIFER! She’s slipping it into a pocket of her tight jeans…………”

I’ll bet I would walk out of the LifeAfterDeath Library with a vacant gaze – just overwhelmed. The kind Librarian would point out the ‘Mens Brainwashing Restroom’ nodding her head with understanding.

It probably really wouldn’t be heaven if you knew all the answers.



One Response to “The LifeAfterDeath Library”

  1. Don’t you think it is possible that you would all get to meet Adam and Eve? And that the more intelligent of you all would realize a striking difference that could only be attributed to a kazillion years of family inbreeding? And that those people I saw rolling on the floor with their eyes rolled back in their heads howling at the moon were normal? That I would have as much chance of pushing a rich man through the eye of a needle as ever getting there? Actually I could do that if I pushed him into a Cotton ‘Gin first.

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