The Joy of Outercourse

WARNING:This post contains graphic descriptions of human sexuality.  Teenage discretion is advised for parents.

My city got some bad news recently. HIV, other sexually-transmitted diseases, and teenage pregnancies among young people went up – again. The Superintendent of Schools even suggested condom distribution in high schools.  You can imagine how loudly the parents are screaming.

“My little Susie doesn’t do THAT!” Right.  I used to know little Susie and she did do that – plus a lot of other stuff.  These kids aren’t getting pregnant and STD’s from the Tooth Fairy.  It’s time we accepted reality and help them make better choices.

People believe we have sex education in schools but what we really have are organ recitals.  A clear list of choices (including abstinence and “How to Tell Your Boyfriend “No”) should be taught early. One of those choices should be outercourse.

Although definitions vary, outercourse is sex play without vaginal, anal, or oral penetration.  Outercourse can include hot talk, erotic fantasy, spicy role-plays, sensual massage, bathing together, mutual masturbation, and dry sex (aka: dry humping or frottage).

Outercourse is simple, convenient, and free and can satisfy both partners.  But the main advantages are there’s virtually no chance for unwanted pregnancies or diseases.

Skeptical?  Think kids will just slide into “home” without rounding first, second, and third “base”?  Maybe.  But until they learn there are many other exciting options, we’re going to continue to get what we’ve got which is tragic.

4 Responses to “The Joy of Outercourse”

  1. Bill says:

    Your suggestions all sound reasonable, but they won’t stop the girls who WANT to get pregnant. With a baby, the girl becomes the center of attention, gains status with her peers, has someone to love unconditionally, has an additional tie to the loser, er, sorry, lover, who got her pregnant, and has her ticket to being declared independent.

    Girls who have babies are allowed to handle their own benefit checks while girls who do the right thing are not. As far as they’re concerned, getting pregnant is the rational thing to do. Know what? In their world, maybe they’re right.

  2. paolo. says:

    Every child should be planned, loved, healthy, and provided for. To greatly reduce unwanted pregnancies, we should:

    1. Provide extensive sex education.
    2. Distribute free birth control aids.
    3 Give free sterilization to anyone over 18.
    4. Have a voluntary sterilization benefit of $5000.
    5. Create a national ad campaign: benefits of being child-free.
    6. Create a national ad campaign: uncool to have a welfare baby.
    7. Close our borders – amnesty for “illegals”.
    8. Not give a welfare increase for more than 2 children.
    9. Require a monthly birth control shot to get welfare.
    10. Require a drug test every month to get welfare.
    11. Educate on Plan B – “the morning-after” pill.
    12. Deliver free paternity tests and enforce support.

  3. Joe Belle-Isle says:

    i’M NO GREAT fAN o wHOOPI gOLDBERG BUT SHE DID A GOOD SPEECH/ACT ON THIS SUBJECT. bASICLY SHE SAID PARENTS HAVE TO FREAKING REALIZE KIDS DO IT BECA– USE it feels good. mOM N dAD HAVE TO REALIZE LITTLE SUSIE LIKES IT AND GET THEM EDUCATED IN BIRTH CONTROL. lIKE bILL SAYS A LOT OF THEM want TO BE KNOCKED UP. tv SHOWS SAY IT’S OK-great even. Single Moms can do it easy (Murphy Brown,) What a crock. I don’t trust teenagers, live in the far back end of over an acre of land no-one has any business coming into, and was trained a kid will kill you quick so it’s OK to shoot them first. And I tell the neighborhood kids that and they stay away. One day little susies unplanned or undereducated dumbass little worm will want to slice the elderly couples throats for $5. Let them get the easy couple not the crazy one. I can’t believe how many of my wifes eldest sons kids around 25 are calling ME for financial help because they have a baby (And a drug habit.) One girls druggie hubby called ME-no relation twice over-for a handout. I told HIM he was a man and I didn’t know him and why in the world would he think for minute a disabled person would give a stranger anything but a facefull of lead. Never heard from him again-dumped my wifes neice AND his baby. Some hard up for work kids came here last week going from place to place picking up any recyclable iron, copper or steel and aluminum. They cleaned several hundred dollars worth of junk off my property in a short time. THEY had the right idea-make yourself a job, survive.

  4. Bill says:

    I like your 12 step program except for #s 7 and 10. Our borders are too vast to be closed. Sounds great, but it’s not practical.

    Many people temporarily receive welfare because they’ve run into a patch of bad luck, especially when the economy is in the tank like now. They are not lazy drug-sucking slobs, they are generally on welfare for less than six months, and they don’t deserve to be treated like shit. Besides, the cost would be prohibitive, and what would we do if someone failed the test? Tell him to hit the streets and mug people for a living?

    I do really like the voluntary for cash sterilization plan, although accusations of genocide are inevitable.

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