Posts Tagged ‘weather’

Doppler? I Don’t Even Know Her!

Sunday, December 21st, 2008

I knew it.  They scored one in a row. And so the Weather-feathers were predicting big things for today – wild winds, snow dumps, and temperatures which longed to be on the good side of zero. Didn’t happen. The old people in my building slowly crawled out from under their beds with nervous eyes and braved an elevator ride to the lobby to talk about Storm-Light. There wasn’t much to say. The only people who didn’t see it not snow were two blind residents who weren’t driving anywhere anyway.

Although it’s now lightly snowing past my window up here, I just heard another weather goof say today’s snowfall was “not impressive.”

Not impressive? NOT IMPRESSIVE?!

What happened to the wallop of Storm Round II, NITS? C’mon, fellas, you can level with us. Did that big old, nasty front get stolen in Chicago? … get weary in dreary Erie, the Mistake on the Lake? … faint in Buffalo because the Bills actually won a game?

What happened?

Have you ever noticed that most weather people are men? Maybe that’s because women take life more seriously, can’t lie as well with a straight face, or have the chalones to walk back in front of the weather maps AND BLAME THE STORM for not living up to their silly predictions.

If most Americans worked at their jobs with the same degree of success this crew has after drinking at the isobar, the damn country would be in a recession! Oh….uhhh, never mind.


Weather You Like It or Not

Friday, December 19th, 2008

A Recycled Presentation from March 5, 2008

I don’t like it at all. I don’t like the bizarre maps nor isobars. I don’t like barometric pressures that are always rising or falling. I don’t like fronts when they dance across the screen in ‘time- enhanced’, color cartoons. I don’t like the dumb, 1st grade symbols that represent the sun, moon, and the stars. I don’t like doppler radar. I don’t like the hilarious, never-right, 7-day forecasts.

And It all happened again yesterday. A giant ice-sleet-and-snow (Oh My!) storm turned out to be about 1/4 of what was predicted. Yesterday morning, TV newscasters starting whipping the audience into a froth: “Lotsa big weather coming! No unnecessary travel! Bring your pets inside! Best place to be is in front of the TV! Watch for cancelations and delays! Stay tuned!” (Cut to videos of the Ice Storm of 1991 – 17 years ago!)

Programming is interrupted by weather crawls on the bottom of the screen and cutaways to the meteorologists. Kevin Williams or Glenn Johnson (really – isn’t this the same person in different clothes?) is jumping around in front of his maps – all grim – with his jacket off to show how hard he’s working to save us from mad weather

And then all the old people rush to Wegmans to stock up on essentials or just say prayers – and the kids start praying their school will be closed the next day and skip their homework. And all the elevator buzz is ‘Didja hear? Big storm tomorrow. They say blah, blah, blah!!”

In the last century when we were an agricultural society, weather reports made sense because farmers could plan their days accordingly. Today the weather is just a hyped, cheap-to-produce stepchild of local news. There’s less there than meets the eye.

I could do the friggin’ weather in about 10-seconds. Here goes:

“The National Weather Service says there’s about a 50% chance of rain tomorrow. So flip a coin and bring your geeky umbrella or not – your choice. Back to you, Ginny.”