Posts Tagged ‘Stripper’

Amy Hits Pole in Good Career Move

Friday, July 17th, 2009

amy-muBeforeimages6After!

Have you ever been to Albion, New York? Most people who go there, don’t want to – and most people who are there, just want to leave as quickly as possible. Albion is a small upstate NY town which has two prisons and, (sorry, Albionions) not much more.

Amy Fisher, the “Long Island Lolita”, got to Albion in a rather dramatic fashion and left in an even more stunning way. In 1992, Amy, then 17, drove to the home of her boyfriend, Joey Buttafuoco to tell Mrs. Buttafuoco about her husband’s new romance – Amy. Mrs. B didn’t like the idea very much so the two started discussing the matter on the porch. Probably beginning to lose the argument, young Amy whipped out a handgun and shot Joey’s wife in the face. End of discussion.

Ms. Fisher was charged with attempted murder but pleaded guilty to one count of assault in the first degree. In December 1992, she was sentenced to 5-15 years in Albion prison. Like virtually all prisoners, Ms. Fisher did not like her new digs. Unlike most cons, she devised a scheme to check out of the joint using just a few parts of her body – mainly her head.

Ms. Fisher knew that NYS Correctional Officers may not have sexual relations with convicts even if the prisoners say ‘yes’. The inmates may not legally say ‘yes’ because they’re protected wards of the state and sex acts are considered statutory rape. Unfortunately, sex acts are not uncommon but are difficult to prove in a system favoring the guards.

And then along came Amy who said ‘yes’ quite a few times and saved the memory of her romances in her panties. On Visitor’s Day, the very clever Ms. Fisher managed to transfer her soiled souvenir to her Mother (“Here, Mom.”) who brought it to a lab for DNA testing. The dumb guard was fired and Ms. Fisher departed Albion in a long, white limousine.

In the last 10-years, Amy has had her ups and downs, ins and outs. She’s authored two books about (what else?) herself, got married, had a daughter, wrote an advice column, got a boob job,created a porn site starring (who else?) herself, and made a sex tape which sold quite well.

However, Ms. Fisher missed the pubic limelight – so she started touring the country as a well-known, well-paid stripper.  Recently she said, “I’ll do this until my fans tell me, ‘Dear, please put your clothes back on – you’re too old.”

Right.

Amy Hits Pole in Good Career Move

Monday, February 23rd, 2009

BEFORE- -AFTER!

Have you ever been to Albion, New York? Most people who go there, don’t want to – and most people who are there, just want to leave as quickly as possible. Albion is a small upstate NY town which has two prisons and, (sorry, Albinions) not much more.

Amy Fisher, the “Long Island Lolita”, got to Albion in a rather dramatic fashion and left in an even more stunning way. In 1992, Amy, then 17, drove to the home of her boyfriend, Joey Buttafuoco to tell Mrs. Buttafuoco about her husband’s new romance – Amy. Mrs. B didn’t like the idea very much so the two started discussing the matter on the porch. Probably beginning to lose the argument, young Amy whipped out a handgun and shot Joey’s wife in the face. End of discussion.

Ms. Fisher was charged with attempted murder but pleaded guilty to one count of assault in the first degree. In December 1992, she was sentenced to 5–15 years in Albion prison. Like virtually all prisoners, Ms. Fisher did not like her new digs. Unlike most cons, she devised a scheme to check out of the joint using just a few parts of her body – mainly her head.

Ms. Fisher knew that NYS Correctional Officers may not have sexual relations with convicts even if the prisoners say ‘yes’. The inmates may not legally say ‘yes’ because they’re protected wards of the state and sex acts are considered statutory rape. Unfortunately, sex acts are not uncommon but are difficult to prove in a system favoring the guards.

And then along came Amy who said ‘yes’ quite a few times and saved the memory of her romances in her panties. On Visitor’s Day, the very clever Ms. Fisher managed to transfer her soiled souvenir to her Mother (“Here, Mom.”) who brought it to a lab for DNA testing. The dumb guard was fired and Ms. Fisher departed Albion in a long, white limousine.

In the last 10-years, Amy has had her ups and downs, ins and outs. She’s authored two books about (what else?) herself, got married, had a daughter, wrote an advice column, got a boob job,created a porn site starring (who else?) herself, and made a sex tape which sold quite well.

However, Ms. Fisher missed the pubic limelight – so she started touring the country as a well-known, well-paid stripper.  Recently she said, “I’ll do this until my fans tell me, ‘Dear, please put your clothes back on – you’re too old.”

Right.

####

Jingle Bell Cyst

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008

A much-requested ENCORE PRESENTATION

My friend Christine used to be a dancer.

She got injured, couldn’t work for a long
time, and had to accept public assistance
for her medical needs.

Unfortunately around Christmas a few
years ago, she developed an ovarian
cyst and had to go to the Emergency
room.

Maybe it was because she was a young
dancer or on Medicaid – but for whatever
reason, she said she was never before
treated as disrespectfully in any medical
facility. She believed men “examined”
her who might not even have been
doctors!

Since it was around Christmas, I put
some new lyrics to a traditional song
to commemorate this memorable
occasion.

(Sung loudly to the tune of ‘Jingle Bells’)

Got a cyst, got a cyst,
on my ovary.
Now my legs are wide apart,
in Emergency.

Everyone gets to look,
the Doctor let’s them see.
The nurse wants a little nook,
then the lab guy winks at me!

Here comes the lunchroom crew,
plus the guard guy from the door.
They want a better view,
and they start to clap for more.

Oh, got a cyst, got a cyst,
on my ovary.
Now my legs are wide apart,
in Emergency.

A guy feels up my breasts,
looking for lumps to treat.
He wants to run some tests,
but he walked in off the street!

They think that we’re all tarts
Doc’s wearing a big grin.
He’s pointing out my parts,
and R-News is looking in!

(Chorus) Oh, got a cyst,
got a cyst, on my ovary.
Now my legs are spread apart,
in Emergency.

If you get a goddam cyst,
and the county pays your bills,
don’t think that you’ll be missed,
run like hell for the hills!

It all seems kind of shady;
they don’t really care for you.
They just want a pretty lady –
and her ‘womb with a view’.

(Chorus) Hey! got a cyst,
got a cyst, on my ovary.
Now my legs are spread wide apart,
in Emergency.

####

Wait Until You See Her Encore!

Wednesday, September 17th, 2008

Meet Ursula Martinez. Her bio says she’s a London based writer, performer and cult cabaret diva who began her career in experimental theatre. In the mid 90’s, U. began performing solo on the London club/cabaret circuit and very quickly made a name for herself.

One of her performance art characters is the ‘Strippin’ Magician’. Whew!! This show is rated “R” so I know you kids will want to get right to it. Copy and Paste this address into your web browser and enjoy the show!

http://files.ww.com/files/21406.html

####

Jingle Bell Cyst

Tuesday, July 8th, 2008

An ENCORE PRESENTATION – 1st Posted on December 17, 2007

My friend Christine used to be a dancer.

She got injured, couldn’t work for a long
time, and had to accept public assistance
for her medical needs.

Unfortunately around Christmas a few
years ago, she developed an ovarian
cyst and had to go to the Emergency
room.

Maybe it was because she was a young
dancer or on Medicaid – but for whatever
reason, she said she was never before
treated as disrespectfully in any medical
facility. She believed men “examined”
her who might not even have been
doctors!

Since it was around Christmas, I put
some new lyrics to a traditional song
to commemorate this memorable
occasion.



(Sung loudly to the tune of ‘Jingle Bells’)

Got a cyst, got a cyst,
on my ovary.
Now my legs are wide apart,
in Emergency.

Everyone gets to look,
the Doctor let’s them see.
The nurse wants a little nook,
then the lab guy winks at me!

Here comes the lunchroom crew,
plus the guard guy from the door.
They want a better view,
and they start to clap for more.

Oh, got a cyst, got a cyst,
on my ovary.
Now my legs are wide apart,
in Emergency.

A guy feels up my breasts,
looking for lumps to treat.
He wants to run some tests,
but he walked in off the street!

They think that we’re all tarts
Doc’s wearing a big grin.
He’s pointing out my parts,
and R-News is looking in!

(Chorus) Oh, got a cyst,
got a cyst, on my ovary.
Now my legs are spread apart,
in Emergency.

If you get a goddam cyst,
and the county pays your bills,
don’t think that you’ll be missed,
run like hell for the hills!

It all seems kind of shady;
they don’t really care for you.
They just want a pretty lady –
and her ‘womb with a view’.

(Chorus) Hey! got a cyst,
got a cyst, on my ovary.
Now my legs are spread wide apart,
in Emergency.

####