Posts Tagged ‘sex’

If You Have an Erection That Lasts Longer than 4-Hours…

Friday, February 20th, 2009

…See Your Doctor.

(Note the Optimistic Angle of this Pill)

Oh, right. You’ve got to hand it to the Cialis people. They take a supposed “health risk” – which is just about every guy’s sexual fantasy – and “warn” you about it every chance they get. The medical term for an erection which won’t go down is ‘priapism’ – and a medical dictionary is the closest I’ve ever come to it.

The name comes from the Greek god Priapus, referring to the myth that he was punished by the other gods for attempting to rape a goddess, by being given a huge, but useless, set of wooden genitals. The definition is from Wikipedia – and a more detailed definition from that source does not include any other references to wood.

Priapism is supposed to be a serious medical emergency. So after 4-hours, you’re supposed to call your Doctor. I don’t think so! There’s a LONG list of women I would call first – since college….

“Laurie? This is Frank Paolo – right – Frank Paolo from college – remember? Yah, well remember that night after the feminist rally and you told me all men were pigs? And, uh, I agreed and said I didn’t want to have sex with you because I didn’t want to treat you just like a middle-class slut? Well, I really did, but I couldn’t, ya see..but NOW…uhhh, look, I’m only an hour and a half away from you…ya, I know it’s late but….. Laurie? Hello? Hello?”

“Cindy? Oh, you’re her – granddaughter? Hmm. Well look – I’m a real old friend of your Mom’s – uh, your Grandma’s – and is she there, please? Paolo. Frank Paolo. Oh. Well look, uh, how old didja say you were, honey’? Hello? Hello?”

“Pammy? Frank Paolo!……. Hello?”

“Elizabeth? Frank Paolo here. Yeh, really. Gosh – I was thinking about the silliest thing. Remember that night in New York and we were just lying there – uh, kind of not doing anything and you looked down at me and said, “You can’t think of anyone else either, huh?” Well…yeh…that was pretty funny. I….you’re still laughing over that, huh? Yeh, me too. Well would you stop laughing for a minute here because ……”

“Dr. Rubin? Frank Paolo here. I took Cialis a few hours ago and I’m having a problem….”

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Shove Your Sign and Your Cause!

Saturday, January 24th, 2009

I drove passed Planned Parenthood again this afternoon. The usual, self-righteous dimwits were waving their gross signs and trying to bully young women from going inside. I slowed down and an old guy made eye contact with me and waved his sign. I think he was expecting my head to nod or my horn to honk in support. He seemed shocked when I slammed my middle finger into the windshield and scowled.

You probably know how I feel about abortion from a recent post (Copy&Paste into the Search Box: The Bad Birds and The B’s). I’m pro-choice but I think abortion is a lousy, last choice when there are so many better alternatives like birth control and RU486. AND dweebs like this guy have done their best unwittingly to INCREASE unwanted pregnancies and abortions by opposing any sexually progressive ideas like non-moralistic sex education in schools and Plan B.

Someone out there agreed and sent me a study by the Guttmacher Institute which is the world’s leading think tank on sexual and reproductive issues. These people are researchers and scientists without any false Biblical axes to grind. What did they find in one study?

Expanding Medicaid coverage for contraception – so that it matches Medicaid coverage for pregnancy-related care – would enable low-income women to prevent a total of nearly 500,000 unwanted pregnancies annually, including 200,000 abortions and save taxpayers $1.5 Billion dollars a year. (And these figures do not include future welfare costs of these children and their children, etc.)

Makes sense, doesn’t it? Why would most women have abortions if they could easily prevent their pregnancies in the first place? But I guess Anti-Abortion people have that direct line to God which supersedes the intelligence with which some would say He created us.

I wish the parents of all these sign-wavers had used birth control – lots of it.

####

Shove Your Sign and Your Cause!

Friday, September 12th, 2008

I drove passed Planned Parenthood this afternoon. The usual, self-righteous dimwits were waving their gross signs and trying to bully young women from going inside. I slowed down and an old guy made eye contact with me and waved his sign. I think he was expecting my head to nod or my horn to honk in support. He seemed shocked when I slammed my middle finger into the windshield and scowled.

You probably know how I feel about abortion from a recent post (Copy&Paste into the Search Box: The Bad Birds and The B’s). I’m pro-choice but I think abortion is a lousy, last choice when there are so many better alternatives like birth control and RU486. AND dweebs like this guy have done their best unwittingly to INCREASE unwanted pregnancies and abortions by opposing any sexually progressive ideas like non-moralistic sex education in schools and Plan B.

Someone out there agreed and sent me a study by the Guttmacher Institute which is the world’s leading think tank on sexual and reproductive issues. These people are researchers and scientists without any false Biblical axes to grind. What did they find in one study?

Expanding Medicaid coverage for contraception – so that it matches Medicaid coverage for pregnancy-related care – would enable low-income women to prevent a total of nearly 500,000 unwanted pregnancies annually, including 200,000 abortions and save taxpayers $1.5 Billion dollars a year. (And these figures do not include future welfare costs of these children and their children, etc.)

Makes sense, doesn’t it? Why would most women have abortions if they could easily prevent their pregnancies in the first place? But I guess Anti-Abortion people have that direct line to God which supersedes the intelligence with which some would say He created us.

I wish the parents of all these sign-wavers had used birth control – lots of it.

####

The Bad Birds and the SOB’s

Thursday, September 11th, 2008

I’m getting really tired of the Anti-Abortion people. I refuse to call them ‘Right-to-Life’ -because the only lives for which they care are people who share their narrow values. I don’t respect them at all because they refuse to acknowledge their role in all the abortions performed and they are basically lying to anyone who will listen.

To me, abortion should only be a choice of last resort. Ideally, every pregnancy should be planned. I know that’s not going to happen but we could get a lot closer if misguided anti-abortion activists got out of the way. These are the same people who oppose sex education in school unless abstinence is the only choice taught, oppose the widespread distribution of inexpensive birth control methods to anyone who wants them, oppose any sex between anyone not married (and, of course, no gays at all), oppose any “abortion pill” such as RU486, oppose masturbation, and now they’re becoming more vocal in opposing Plan B – an emergency contraception pill.

These fanatics think they have an exclusive pipeline to God and the rest of us are murderers if we support a woman’s right to choose. They think Plan B pills cause an abortion by preventing a fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus. But they’re about the only nitwits who define abortion in that way. Virtually everyone else in the world regards Plan B as an emergency contraceptive which PREVENTS a pregnancy from occurring in the first place. There is no abortion!

Let’s be honest. Anti-Abortion people are against much more than abortion – they’re really against any sex outside of a Christian marriage. So when an uninformed minor cannot get birth control, then is denied the use of emergency contraception, becomes pregnant, knows she cannot talk to her doctor without her parents knowing, panics, and then has an abortion – who’s really to blame?

Who are the REAL murderers here?

####

Red, White, & Blue Balls

Saturday, August 16th, 2008

What Americans Teach Their Kids About Sex:

“Sex is a dirty, shameful thing. Make sure you
save it for someone you love. Any questions?”

####

Tomorrow: Nastia Liukin NUDE (JUST KIDDING!) Kelly Ripa NUDE (NOT KIDDING!)

If You Have an Erection That Lasts Longer than 4-Hours…

Friday, August 1st, 2008

…See Your Doctor.

Oh, right. You’ve got to hand it to the Cialis people. They take a supposed “health risk” – which is just about every guy’s sexual fantasy – and “warn” you about it every chance they get. The medical term for an erection which won’t go down is ‘priapism’ – and a medical dictionary is the closest I’ve ever come to it.

The name comes from the Greek god Priapus, referring to the myth that he was punished by the other gods for attempting to rape a goddess, by being given a huge, but useless, set of wooden genitals. The definition is from Wikipedia – and a more detailed definition from that source does not include any other references to wood.

Priapism is supposed to be a serious medical emergency. So after 4-hours, you’re supposed to call your Doctor. I don’t think so! There’s a LONG list of women I would call first – since college….

“Laurie? This is Frank Paolo – right – Frank Paolo from college – remember? Yah, well remember that night after the feminist rally and you told me all men were pigs? And, uh, I agreed and said I didn’t want to have sex with you because I didn’t want to treat you just like a middle-class slut? Well, I really did, but I couldn’t, ya see..but NOW…uhhh, look, I’m only an hour and a half away from you…ya, I know it’s late but….. Laurie? Hello? Hello?”

“Cindy? Oh, you’re her – granddaughter? Hmm. Well look – I’m a real old friend of your Mom’s – uh, your Grandma’s – and is she there, please? Paolo. Frank Paolo. Oh. Well look, uh, how old didja say you were, honey’? Hello? Hello?”

“Pammy? Frank Paolo!……. Hello?”

“Elizabeth? Frank Paolo here. Yeh, really. Gosh – I was thinking about the silliest thing. Remember that night in New York and we were just lying there – uh, kind of not doing anything and you looked down at me and said, “You can’t think of anyone else either, huh?” Well…yeh…that was pretty funny. I….you’re still laughing over that, huh? Yeh, me too. Well would you stop laughing for a minute here because ……”

“Dr. John? Frank Paolo here. I took Cialis six hours ago and I’m having a problem….”

Thought for the Day

Friday, April 25th, 2008

images3.jpeg

Sex is a dirty, shameful thing. Make
sure you save it for someone you love.