Posts Tagged ‘Sarah Palin’

Sarah’s Big Adventure in Auburn, NY

Thursday, May 21st, 2009


In the 1800’s, Auburn, New York used to be kind of an important place. It was a major stop on the Erie Canal, and the birthplace of Abner Doubleday – credited for inventing baseball. In addition, inmate William Kemmler took his last breath in Auburn Prison as the first person in the world to be executed by the electric chair.

Auburn is also the birthplace of William H. Seward, Secretary of State under Abraham Lincoln – who arranged the purchase of Alaska, known at the time as “Seward’s Folly”. That’s why Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska and former Republican nominee for Vice-President of the United States, is going there next month.

Say what? The Honorable Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska, is coming to Auburn, NY (population: about 28,000)? Uhhh, what in heaven’s name for? Hey – I don’t know. I guess to thank Auburnians for buying her state and not using automatic beheading machines to execute prisoners who are turkeys. WhoTF knows?

But I do know this: two years from now, this ex-beauty queen will be running for President under the Republican banner championing Patriotism and Family Values. She will be grilled about her lack of knowledge of international leaders and their countries and what place America should play in the world. Right now she SHOULD be taking an intensive course of visiting as many countries as she can and LISTENING to every damn leader who will take the time to talk to her. Don’t even ASK ME to consider her a viable candidate for President until she has some international experience and education under her lipstick.

In 2011, when she’s asked by reporters about human rights violations in China and I hear her say, “Well, in 2009, I visited Auburn, NY, which invented the first electric chair for capital offenses….” – I’ll probably just break down and cry. I friggin’ swear! I’ll just break down and cry…………….


Get Your Tongue Out of Our Mouths, Sarah ….

Tuesday, November 25th, 2008

We’re Just Kissing You Goodbye.

The Sarah Palin ‘Turkey-Slaughter Babble’ annoys me still. I KNOW there are more important issues – but I’m still thinking about it. One reason is my own hypocrisy. I love most animals more than I love most people. Sorry friend, but if I had to choose between your life and the lives of my fur friends Tuesday and Wednesday …..well, let’s just hope it never gets to that.

I love animals – so how can I eat them? One word – disassociation. My cheeseburgers (I never eat anything that looks like anything) come from plastic-wrapped packages that live in grocers’ freezers. I don’t want to think about it more than that. But since I know – somewhere in my mind – cows ARE killed for my dinner, I cushion the idea with thoughts that they were killed quickly and humanely with no worried anticipation of their own deaths (that’s saved for humans).

That’s why I consider killing any living thing a serious matter. That’s why I’m so enraged at Sarah Palin for thinking her turkey slaughter photo-op was fun, funny, or “neat”.

I don’t hate Sarah Palin. For over 40 years I have known many Sarah Palins. They’re not evil. Pretty, superficial people who ask one question many times each day: “What does this have to do with ME?” And that’s OK. If you accept people for whom they are, and you’re honest, there’s still a lot of room for play.

When I was young, I went out with a lot of Sarah Palins. I never lied – I never promised them an “anything”. I was usually the guy between their “serious” relationships. I gave them new experiences and lots of laughs. What did they give me? Well, uhhh, let’s just say ‘the same things’.

If the times were right, I’ll bet Sarah and I would have had great, fun and funny, memorable times. But I never would have gotten confused. I never would have thought the woman anything more than what she is. And I NEVER would have been dumb enough to vote for her – unless she ran for mayor of a hick town in Alaska.


UPDATE UPCHUCK: UNBELIEVABLE! The Governor’s Office is now claiming that Palin “DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON BEHIND HER!” Right. This ditz who “could see Russia from my house” somehow missed the turkey head-grind 5-feet behind her! If she lied this badly in college, she never again would have seen my dorm room ceiling.




Don’t Ax Me…

Monday, November 24th, 2008

Why Does Sarah Continue to Make an Ass of Herself?

On Nov. 20, Palin appeared on local Alaska TV during an event to “pardon” a turkey from slaughter – a la the strange and macabre annual White House ritual. Palin, 44, proceeded to give a lengthy interview as live turkeys were fed into a machine that sliced off their heads and drained their blood – clearly pictured behind her.

Earlier, when told the turkey-slaughtering machine might not exactly be a great backdrop for the interview, Palin babbled “This is neat. I was happy to be invited to this.”

Remember, this is the same bimbo that was proud to shoot wolves from low-flying airplanes. If there were any justice in the world, the wolves would have been allowed to fire back.

Some people actually believe this dopey, caribou hugger is the future of the Republican Party (wink, sexy smile). A better bet? Palin has more chance of being an obscure Trivial Pursuit answer in the next decade – or the center-spread shot in Hustler Magazine’s Celebrity Issue.