Posts Tagged ‘pain’

So Arrest Me

Monday, May 11th, 2009

images6

A woman friend of mine was recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Now, if you ever get to choose the cancer you might get, thyroid cancer is a good choice. It’s slow-growing and the cells in your thyroid gland are self-contained which makes them relatively easy to treat without destroying all the other cells in your body. But two factors complicate this case.

The first was the doctors made a mistake. After an exploratory operation removing part of her thyroid gland for biopsy, they said it was benign – non-cancerous. A week later a doctor called and said – in effect – “Oops, we made a mistake. You DO have cancer.”

OK. Everybody makes mistakes. Not a pleasant surprise but she’ll probably live – after treatment. The second complication is more serious. You see, my friend was a crack cocaine addict about 3 or 4 years ago. She went through detox and rehab and has been clean for a number of years now BUT it’s still on her medical record. So what? So now no doctor will prescribe pain medication (“Drugs!”) to relieve her suffering from the 4-inch gash she has sliced across her throat and from which she constantly suffers.

Now forget the fact that pain killers (barbiturates – “downers”) are the antithesis of her drug of choice (cocaine – a strong “upper”), a drug is a drug is a drug and no respectable sawbones is going to help get drugs for a documented druggie.

But I will.

That’s right – I have enough connections in offices, bars and on the street to get just about any legal or illegal drug known to humankind. And I’m going to ask those people to get narcotics to help my friend relieve her suffering.

Isn’t that against the law? It sure is. So on the one hand, we have this concept of a civilized society living by agreed-upon rules governing our behavior – and on the other, I have a loved one suffering from terrible pain and I can help her. What would you do?

I’ve made my decision. If you have a problem with it, you may call the Rochester, NY Police Department at (518) 428-7210. Ask for the Drug Enforcement Division.

Are You Kidneying Me!?!

Monday, July 21st, 2008

(NOT ACTUAL SIZE)

Here’s one of my 5 kidney stones. Passing a kidney stone has been described as trying to blow a golf ball out of a garden hose. I wish it were that easy. Golf balls are relatively smooth compared to the formidable collection of cutting crystals you see above. Since it was one of the largest stones he saw passed “naturally”, my kidney doctor said either I was very large or it was horribly painful. It was horribly painful.

When cleaned and viewed under a magnifying glass, the stones themselves are rather pretty. My friend Amy has a collection of mine in a small, heart- shaped, blue velvet-lined case. She says she’s waiting for me to pass a few more so she can use them to make a bracelet. Amy is funny and strange. Very strange.

####