Posts Tagged ‘Heaven’

Sunday Went to Heaven (The Conclusion)

Wednesday, July 16th, 2008

When Paolo finally caught up to Sunday, he could see she was in a tizzy. She was pounding all four paws on the ground and jumping up and down.

“Are you nuts? Are you friggin’ nuts?!” she cried. Paolo gently smiled.

“You don’t have to sacrifice your life in eternity to take care of me.” she said loudly. “I’ve lived without you for years! I don’t need YOU! You’re just stupid – stupid!”

Paolo smiled again and then he said very softly, “Uh, Pretty. Have you ever considered I just might need YOU forever?”

Sunday had a smart, mean remark to deliver in reply…but the lump in her throat broke it up into pieces and her hidden tears washed away the remnants. She turned her head and started to fiercely walk down the silver walkway. She could only mumble “Stupid! Just stupid!”

After walking many silver miles, the Cat and her person began to see an incomprehensibly huge Kingdom floating in the sky. It seemed to radiate an abundance of clear, brilliant, loving energy and had a simple cloud stairway which touched down to the silver roadway.

Sunday and Paolo could not speak. They started walking faster to the stairway and then saw an even stranger sight: there was an old guard sitting in front of the stairs and he was asleep in his chair! And he wasn’t just asleep – he was snoring – loud, resounding snores, with a wide-open mouth. When they were in front of him, Paolo picked up Sunday and cleared his throat to awaken the guard.

“Huh?!” The guard said. “Is that you, Paolo? Christ! You’re late,” then, “Hi, Sunday! So Paolo – you were never late on Earth – why are you late here? Been pickin’ up some bad habits since you died?”

Paolo didn’t know quite what to say. “Umm, where are we?”

The guard’s head rolled back in laughter. “Where are you? You’re about to walk up the stairway to Heaven! Where the hell did you think you were?”

Paolo and Sunday looked at each other in stunned silence. The guard saw their bewilderment and shook his head.

“Yeh, we were a little shocked you made it, too. But there’s lots of room in Heaven – enough for everyone – even you guys!” Here the guard started to laugh even harder.

“But,” Paolo said, “that guy back there – he said THAT was Heaven.”

“The guard dropped his voice. “Just between us – that place isn’t Heaven – it’s hell. Ya see we kind of use it as one last test. All that ‘No Pets’ crap – oh brother! Why the hell would Heaven want people who would abandon their best friends?”

“So ‘Welcome’ Sunday and friend!  Oh.  And Paolo – I was just kidding you about being late.  Nobody is ever late when the only time is ‘forever’ ”

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Sunday Went to Heaven (Part 2)

Wednesday, July 16th, 2008

After walking a long time, the Cat and the man stopped before a magnificent, golden gate encrusted in diamonds. Above it, in a brilliant display of white light, there was a sign that simply said “Heaven”. The pair were in awe!

“Welcome, Mr. Paolo,” boomed the loud voice of a man, formally dressed, sitting behind a stupendous, platinum desk. “Come right in.” The lordly gate slowly began to open.

“I can hardly believe I made it to Heaven,” Paolo chuckled, “Somebody must have made a mistake.” He picked up Sunday and started to walk through the gate.

“Pardon me, Mr. Paolo,” the man loudly said, “pets aren’t allowed in Heaven.” The man had a very serious look on his face. Sunday looked down in embarrassment and fear. Paolo couldn’t believe it!

“Yah, well Sunday isn’t a pet – she’s family,” Paolo said trying to ease the tension.

“Would you please put down the cat and walk through the gate. People are waiting for you.”

Paolo stopped trying to be friendly. “Listen up you pompous nitwit. I am never again going ANYWHERE without Sunday! Now get your fat ass out of that seat and fetch me your manager. NOW!” The man’s mouth dropped open. Sunday struggled to jump down and run away- she was afraid something like this would happen. She didn’t want her person to be doomed for all eternity because of his love for her. Paolo held her tighter.

The man jumped to his feet. His face was flushed red and his eyes seemed to bulge.

“I AM the Manager,” he screamed. “I AM THE MANAGER OF THE UNIVERSE!”

Paolo calmly nodded his head. “I figured as much,” he said. “It would take a real tool like you to screw everything up as much as it is…..”

“GET OUT!” bellowed the man. In a valiant push and leap, Sunday jumped from Paolo’s arms and started running away from the gate.

“Oh, big man!” said Paolo. “You can bully a 9-pound cat – wanna bully me? Why are you so friggin’ weird? Did your Mother breast-feed you through a straw?”

“Get out! YOU’RE DOOMED! GET OUT!” Paolo walked a few steps and then turned back and yelled, “Good job on Spina Bifida, Mr. Manager – and your Pope sucks too!”

“GET OUT! GET OUT!!” screamed the master of the universe.

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(TO BE CONTINUED)

Sunday Went to Heaven (Part 1)

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

Sunday the Cat at a Ribbon Party – circa: 1990’s.

One day a middle-aged, formerly-fit writer died of acute cerebral boredom. When he opened his eyes, he was in a lush, manicured park with fountains – and grass so perfect it made a golf course look like the crummiest lawn on your street. Suddenly, he saw a ball of orange and white fur running towards him as fast as she could.

“SUNDAY!”, he cried. He picked up his most-loved pet and hugged her dearly.

“Jeez! It sure took you long enough to get here!”

The man whirled around to see who had spoken. The marmalade Cat rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“Of course I can talk! Can you leap 5-times your height? I knew you weren’t getting any smarter down there – but Jeez!”

The writer laughed. “Same old Sunday; ” he thought, “a cake full of love with a crabby frosting.”

“We’d better get going,” Sunday said. But the man detected a little nervousness in her voice – a lack of confidence – a trait she never showed on Earth.

“Where?”

The Cat nodded towards a granite marker with a golden arrow. “HEAVEN” was all it said.

The pair started walking down a silver road with a magnificent structure in the far distance.

The Cat’s Person spoke first: “Wow! This looks like real silver and feels like we’re on the yellow brick road to Oz.”

Sunday sighed. “It’s probably not a good idea to compare this walkway to a cheap, back lot set in Burbank,” she said.

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(TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW)