Posts Tagged ‘Guards’

Amy Hits Pole in Good Career Move

Friday, July 17th, 2009

amy-muBeforeimages6After!

Have you ever been to Albion, New York? Most people who go there, don’t want to – and most people who are there, just want to leave as quickly as possible. Albion is a small upstate NY town which has two prisons and, (sorry, Albionions) not much more.

Amy Fisher, the “Long Island Lolita”, got to Albion in a rather dramatic fashion and left in an even more stunning way. In 1992, Amy, then 17, drove to the home of her boyfriend, Joey Buttafuoco to tell Mrs. Buttafuoco about her husband’s new romance – Amy. Mrs. B didn’t like the idea very much so the two started discussing the matter on the porch. Probably beginning to lose the argument, young Amy whipped out a handgun and shot Joey’s wife in the face. End of discussion.

Ms. Fisher was charged with attempted murder but pleaded guilty to one count of assault in the first degree. In December 1992, she was sentenced to 5-15 years in Albion prison. Like virtually all prisoners, Ms. Fisher did not like her new digs. Unlike most cons, she devised a scheme to check out of the joint using just a few parts of her body – mainly her head.

Ms. Fisher knew that NYS Correctional Officers may not have sexual relations with convicts even if the prisoners say ‘yes’. The inmates may not legally say ‘yes’ because they’re protected wards of the state and sex acts are considered statutory rape. Unfortunately, sex acts are not uncommon but are difficult to prove in a system favoring the guards.

And then along came Amy who said ‘yes’ quite a few times and saved the memory of her romances in her panties. On Visitor’s Day, the very clever Ms. Fisher managed to transfer her soiled souvenir to her Mother (“Here, Mom.”) who brought it to a lab for DNA testing. The dumb guard was fired and Ms. Fisher departed Albion in a long, white limousine.

In the last 10-years, Amy has had her ups and downs, ins and outs. She’s authored two books about (what else?) herself, got married, had a daughter, wrote an advice column, got a boob job,created a porn site starring (who else?) herself, and made a sex tape which sold quite well.

However, Ms. Fisher missed the pubic limelight – so she started touring the country as a well-known, well-paid stripper.  Recently she said, “I’ll do this until my fans tell me, ‘Dear, please put your clothes back on – you’re too old.”

Right.

Amy Hits Pole in Good Career Move

Monday, February 23rd, 2009

BEFORE- -AFTER!

Have you ever been to Albion, New York? Most people who go there, don’t want to – and most people who are there, just want to leave as quickly as possible. Albion is a small upstate NY town which has two prisons and, (sorry, Albinions) not much more.

Amy Fisher, the “Long Island Lolita”, got to Albion in a rather dramatic fashion and left in an even more stunning way. In 1992, Amy, then 17, drove to the home of her boyfriend, Joey Buttafuoco to tell Mrs. Buttafuoco about her husband’s new romance – Amy. Mrs. B didn’t like the idea very much so the two started discussing the matter on the porch. Probably beginning to lose the argument, young Amy whipped out a handgun and shot Joey’s wife in the face. End of discussion.

Ms. Fisher was charged with attempted murder but pleaded guilty to one count of assault in the first degree. In December 1992, she was sentenced to 5–15 years in Albion prison. Like virtually all prisoners, Ms. Fisher did not like her new digs. Unlike most cons, she devised a scheme to check out of the joint using just a few parts of her body – mainly her head.

Ms. Fisher knew that NYS Correctional Officers may not have sexual relations with convicts even if the prisoners say ‘yes’. The inmates may not legally say ‘yes’ because they’re protected wards of the state and sex acts are considered statutory rape. Unfortunately, sex acts are not uncommon but are difficult to prove in a system favoring the guards.

And then along came Amy who said ‘yes’ quite a few times and saved the memory of her romances in her panties. On Visitor’s Day, the very clever Ms. Fisher managed to transfer her soiled souvenir to her Mother (“Here, Mom.”) who brought it to a lab for DNA testing. The dumb guard was fired and Ms. Fisher departed Albion in a long, white limousine.

In the last 10-years, Amy has had her ups and downs, ins and outs. She’s authored two books about (what else?) herself, got married, had a daughter, wrote an advice column, got a boob job,created a porn site starring (who else?) herself, and made a sex tape which sold quite well.

However, Ms. Fisher missed the pubic limelight – so she started touring the country as a well-known, well-paid stripper.  Recently she said, “I’ll do this until my fans tell me, ‘Dear, please put your clothes back on – you’re too old.”

Right.

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Pee-Shy

Friday, July 18th, 2008

Pee-Shy – pee-shie (noun) A difficulty or inability to urinate on command or desire – in front of other people.

Except for a very few people, being “pee-shy” isn’t an issue. I always use a stall instead of a urinal in a public mens room and I’m sure my poor bladder would burst before I could “go” in those troughs where men stand shoulder -to- shoulder. Good thing I’m not a guest at a ‘Razor Wire Hotel’ run by the New York State Department of Correctional Services. Urine drug tests are given to inmates with a Correctional Officer or two watching.

I’m not surprised CO’s don’t trust inmates – I wouldn’t either. Women inmates are not in prison because they sang too loudly in the church choir. But Pee tests CAN (in some cases) be used as tools of intimidation by Power Pigs.

Case in point: my friend N. was just given ANOTHER urine test. Remarkably she had been given 19 (!) before in her brief stay AND WAS CLEAN EVERY SINGLE TIME! But now she was up for parole – and the guards don’t want her to leave because she has mental health issues and they have fun playing amusing, little mind games with her. N. was told to strip and stand over a toilet for the test with her little audience of uniformed, drooling dimwits.

She was “pee-shy” for an hour – it didn’t matter – they’d wait. One hour passed, then two, then N. began to cry – didn’t matter. They had to give her three hours. They did, she got more and more stressed and could not go in the allotted time. Results? AUTOMATIC FAILURE – withholding urine from an Officer. So N. got thrown into solitary confinement and lost her parole bid.

Of course in a civilized world, the CO’s could have offered her an over- the-counter diuretic for guaranteed results. Right. But you must remember, there are some Power Pig CO’s who use the test NOT as a drug screen – but as their own little brand of torture.

Let me stress here the VAST MAJORITY of NYS Correctional Officers are professional, well-trained, and actually more compassionate than I could ever be in a very difficult job. But a very few are mean bullies who hate inmates, their jobs, and undoubtedly, their lives.

One of the worst at Albion is BATES* (and yes, that’s her real last name). She is a fat, ugly, loud bully who is detested by most of the inmates.

Am I afraid of being sued for slander by BEAST BATES? Of course not! Bullies only pick on those who are weaker than they are. And even if someone read this to her (I’m quite sure she can’t read) I wouldn’t be afraid. I have never feared bullies because they’re really spineless saps who are NOTHING without their threats.

Oh, and SCALISE, would you like to get in this discussion? I haven’t been so proud of being Italian since Joey Buttafuco was around. You remember Joey, right? His girlfriend, Amy Fisher, stayed at your joint after shooting his wife. Unfortunately, one of your guards RAPED her and she got to go free. Good job! And I probably shouldn’t even mention CO BLACK here ….right?

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* Since writing this post, I have learned there are 2 Officers named BATES. I remember the woman BATES who can be described with the words above. I understand the man isn’t much better.