Posts Tagged ‘Gay’

Rescue the Dog – Euthanize the Owner

Friday, March 22nd, 2013

Will Elton be coming out?

A Jackson, Tennessee dog owner sent his pet to be euthanized because he suspected the dog was gay. The nitwit brought his dog to the Jackson Rabies Control Animal Shelter a few weeks ago because he saw his male pit bull “humping” another male dog.  Since the shelter is overcrowded, the dog was scheduled to be killed within a few days.  In reality, male dogs mount each other to express dominance, for play, or because of nervousness.

Although news reports did not give any details about the owner, I will gladly make some assumptions about the cretin.  I’ll guess the guy is heavily Christian, has the IQ of a can of peas, and, because he named the dog “ELTON,” he’s probably a screaming closet case.

Fortunately someone on Facebook heard of the dog’s plight and put a plea on the social network.  The dog was immediately adopted and is doing fine.  His new owner told ABC News “Elton is pretty friendly so far. He’s pretty scared of everything but he loved the car ride.”

There’s probably no truth to the rumor that Elton’s former owner is the leader of a Tennessee Boy Scout Troop.

Well…Umm…Since My Son Is Gay…

Friday, March 15th, 2013

Portman - not Natalie.

Republican-Conservative Senator Rob Portman of Ohio has changed his mind about same-sex marriage. He is no longer against it.  Two years ago his son told him he was gay.  Why the big change now?  He said,

“I wrestled with how to reconcile my Christian faith with my desire for Will to have the same opportunities to pursue happiness and fulfillment as his brother and sister. Ultimately, it came down to the Bible’s overarching themes of love and compassion and my belief that we are all children of God.”

Horseshit.  Portman has an election coming up in a few years.  He figured it’s easier to deal with the issue now than to have his opponent bring it up and debate it then.  The Bible is the same today as it was 2000-years ago.  Why do people like Portman need to have a family member act as a real-life visual aid? Former Vice-President Dick Cheney is another one who was anti-gay until his daughter announced she was a lesbian.

These guys can’t quite grasp the idea that every gay person is somebody’s son or daughter.  And each one is a part of the greater ‘family of man’ – and deserves the same respect as one of our own.

The G In G-Man Stood For Gay

Friday, February 22nd, 2013

"Quiche with pesto sauce tonight, Clyde?"

J. Edgar Hoover, Director of the FBI for over 50-years, was a rabid right-wing fanatic who used illegal wiretaps, malicious gossip, and innuendo to blackmail Presidents into letting him keep his position until the day he died. His reign crushed the rights, the careers, and sometimes even the lives of countless Americans who had the audacity to disagree with “The Director” or whom he thought were “commonist”.

After finishing two, well-researched biographies of Hoover, I can also add another adjective to the mix: pathetic.  Hoover probably knew he was gay since high school – he just never could admit it.  He found it nearly impossible to change or suppress his sexual preference completely. The large “girlie” centerfolds he hung in his home’s bar embarrassed and saddened his guests.

For nearly half a century, his relationship to Clyde Tolson, who became the powerful FBI Assistant Director, was an “open secret” in Washington.  Everyone “knew” – but no one talked about it.  The dismal part is Hoover’s hypocrisy demanded he create a macho public image firing gay FBI agents and leaking rumors of his enemies’ homosexual dalliances to Congress.

Once, Tolson had to be hospitalized.  “Hysterectomy?” joked one FBI Agent.  Hoover fired him on the spot.

"I wear the vest in this family, Bitch."


What If He Was Your Daughter?

Thursday, December 27th, 2012

A friend’s daughter in her early ‘20’s is becoming a man. She changed her name, lived as a man for a year, had extensive counseling, and started hormone treatments.

I’m pretty sure just now your first reaction was negative.  And that’s OK – that’s the way we were brought up in this culture.  But I’m asking you to set aside that initial response for a moment.

What type of person would you like to be in this lifetime?  A person who just believes the bullshit that generations before us believed without questioning and thinking?  Someone who can actually hate other people simply for being who they are?

This is bigger than gays in the military, gay marriages, or bullying in schools.  This is about how you want to live YOUR life and treat all people – not just the ones with whom you feel comfortable.  How proud you could be if you overcame prejudice and were strong enough not to go with the mindless flow.

The next time you see a gay or transgendered person think ‘if she was my child, how would I want the world to treat him?’

Cry Me a Rivers

Thursday, February 12th, 2009

It seems Joaquin Rivers is taking the 10:10 to Crazyville. Wednesday night he was on David Letterman’s show promoting his new movie ‘Two Lovers’ with Gwyneth Paltrow – and he didn’t feel like talking. Now if you go on a talk show and you don’t feel like talking, it tends to get on the host’s nerves. It got on Letterman’s nerves right away and he started mocking Rivers new, wild-beard look asking, “So what can you tell me about your days with the Unabomber?” Rivers ignored him as the audience howled.

I saw all of this on a news report. I never watch late-night shows because they’re on too late, I don’t know how to ‘time shift’ my TV, and I don’t really give a shit anyway. So I never heard of Joaquin Rivers but I did a little research to see why he was driving in the break-down lane. My first thought was he had to make a movie with Gwyneth Paltrow (isn’t she the one who almost made Ellen Degeneres go straight?) But that wasn’t it. Nope – it seems young Rivers doesn’t want to be an overpaid actor any longer – he wants to be an overpaid RAPPER. Say what? Yep, as in a ‘spit-in-de-microphone-wassup?-women-be-shit-life sucks-YO’ RAPPER!

Uh, don’t Rappers have to be Black? Well I thought so – and that definitely is the preferred flavor – but it seems there’s an ‘Oh, alright’ clause for token toasties. Still, whitey rapping seems like a fat, Italian chef with a Chef Boyardee mustache singing “O Solo Mio” and making Sushi. Somehow the ambiance fizzles.

Now some people might be thinking I’m not taking seriously this kid’s mental collection of convoluted craziness. Some people would be right. See, last night I was walking home in the pouring rain and I passed this old homeless guy in a urine filled doorway. He just turned away and said something crazy. Ah, crazy people! I’ll bet the guy never even met Gwyneth Paltrow.


A Car for MEN

Monday, April 7th, 2008


Before he died of AIDS,  my friend Tim Schapp, must have told this story 100-times.  He said it gave him a lot of confidence – along with great laughs.


It was sometime in the ‘70’s.  I had just purchased this Fiat Spider with red leather seats and a polished, wooden steering wheel.  It could KICK ASS! (between visits to the shop). On the day I bought it, Tim and I were driving to Cape Cod for our annual, 5-day summer blow -out.  At over 70-miles/ hour, top down, screaming down the New York State Thruway, I was the first straight friend  to whom he ‘came out.’

“I have something to tell you,” he said all heavy-like, “I’m gay.”

I immediately responded.  Years later, thinking about it, I reacted the same way I know my Father would have reacted – had I told  him the same thing.  My reply?

“What does this have to do with me?”