Posts Tagged ‘Gay Marriage’

God Said WHAT!?

Tuesday, March 26th, 2013

No quee-uhs!

How does it feels to be on the same side of the gay marriage issue as the Westboro Baptist Church? Those are the religious nitwits who protest at Veterans’ funerals to show God’s displeasure with gays in the military.  They wave their trademark “God Hates Fags!” signs with one hand and clutch their Bibles with the other.

The Pat Robertson-like people bellowing against gay marriage today in front of the Supreme Court aren’t too far from that. Oh sure,  Pat’s people have a few more teeth and wear shoes – but he did say legalizing gay marriage starts us on the slippery slope that could lead to “sex with ducks.”  My favorite women singers did a music video for that on which you can click below.

50-years ago interracial marriage was banned in many of our states.  It took a Supreme Court decision (LOVING v. VIRGINIA, 388 U.S. 1 (1967)) to drag them into the 20th century.

Gay marriage will become legal eventually – it’s as inevitable as interracial marriage.  But it will become accepted only after a few old generations fart their last breaths of hatred – just like marriage between blacks and whites.  If Jesus meets these haters on the other side, they’ve got lots of ‘splaining to do.



Wednesday, May 20th, 2009


Betty Cooper and Veronica Lodge, both rumored to be girlfriends of Archie Andrews, the red-haired, wholesome 65-year old Riverdale High School student, will actually marry each other in Los Angeles next month. It’s a story that’s sure to shock comic book readers of all ages, most of whom believed Archie would marry one of his “Arch-rivals”. Ms. Lodge made the announcement in front of a rack of flannel shirts in a Modesto, California Sears store with the blushing Betty Cooper at her side.

Speaking out of the side of her mouth with a non-filter cigarette on the other side, Ms. Lodge said, “Yah, I figured I’d make an honest woman out of her. I’m sick of the fact the FBA keeps getting more fingerprints than the FBI!”

When asked what ‘FBA’ stood for, the burley Veronica snarled, “Freaken’ Betty’s Ass”. The couple plan to marry on June 15th, the anniversary of  the marriage of the late J. Edgar Hoover and Clyde Tolson, Former Director and Mrs. Director of the FBI.

Archie Andrews appeared shocked at the news. When asked if he ever “got any – on the side?” from Ms. Lodge, Mr. Andrews said, “I haven’t gotten any in so long, I didn’t even know they moved it.”


Roomin’ With Portia

Thursday, January 8th, 2009




Ellen DeGeneres just won the ‘Peoples’ Choice Award’ for Best TV Talk Show Host. I personally would have preferred Kelly Rippa but that’s only because of our past, well-documented affair. Anyway, Ellen took the stage to graciously accept her award and thank her multitudes of fans. And, her “roommate” Portia.



In August, 2008, Ellen married Portia de Rossi in an intimate ceremony at their home in Beverly Hills. And since she’s a wildly popular lesbian television star (as opposed to someone like Rosie O’Brother!), she must know that her lifestyle is helping to make easier being gay in America. So I think she could have done a whole lot better in choosing a term to designate her ________, Portia.  And therein lies the problem.

What do you call your basic, married gay person?

“Friend” is a little limp for this ‘special’ friendship – but certainly better than ‘roommate’.

“Husband” or “Wife” is a little dicey for immediately assigning stereotypical gender roles.

“Significant Other” just sucks.

“Partner” sounds like a business deal.

“Loved One” implies casket time.

“My … ‘Everything’, ‘World’, ‘Life’” … are overstated and definitely tough to live up to.

“Squeeze” …. Oh, pul-leez!

“Bedmate” would definitely be a conversation stopper in most social circles.

“Best Person” – blechhh.

“Better Half” – only if you wear a crew cut and white socks.

“Lover” – This is my personal favorite but probably too foreign-film sounding for most people.

Oh well – maybe it’s a good time to forget calling anyone anything and let people figure it out – or not. I think Ellen’s appreciation could have been more eloquently expressed by a simple, “Thank you, everyone. And a special thank you to Portia.”


Paolo’s BEST post on Homosexuality? “Homosexuality is an Abomination”