Posts Tagged ‘gambling’

Cheaters Never Win and Vegas Never Cheats

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

images

It happened again this week. Some friends came back from Las Vegas and the guy said about the dumbest thing any tourist can say, “We had a great time but we shouldn’t have gone into the casinos. I lost about $700 gambling. The casinos never lose – they cheat.”

Cheat?

I pretended to cough to keep from laughing. “The bastards!  How did they cheat you?” The response? “I don’t know, Franco. They rig the slot machines – they use marked decks for “21” (when a “gambler” calls Blackjack – “21”, you kinda know the guy isn’t playing for super high stakes). Whatever they do, you never leave the casino a winner! That’s how they keep these joints open.”

In conversations like this, I swear I spend about three quarters of the time trying NOT to burst out laughing. Sometimes I bite my lip; sometimes I cough. Sometimes I just try to think grim, horrible thoughts. What is it about me?  Am I a magnet for stupid people?

“Were you ever ahead?” I  innocently asked.

Sheepish grin, “Oh yeh, at one point I was ahead about $300.”

Me: “Well, why didn’t you just walk out of the casino then – with their money?”

“Oh, you know how it is. I thought I was on a streak…..blah, blah, blah”.

I smiled. He now had to hear the Franco “You Are Such an Ungrateful Slob!” lecture which goes something like this:

“Las Vegas doesn’t cheat because IT DOESN’T HAVE TO CHEAT, YOU IDIOT! They tell you exactly what they make in percentages. They make roughly 10-20% of a GAZILLON gaming dollars every hour – 24 hours a day. Why the hell would they cheat and risk losing the trust of their revenue base?”

“The world has about 6-billion people in it. 3-billion of whom went to bed hungry last night. Yesterday, over 40,000 children died from starvation and disease. You just came back from a wonderful 4-day/ 3-night warm vacation. You stayed at one of the world’s premier hotels and ate at fancy restaurants with your lovely lady. You saw a Hollywood star (I already forgot which one) and gambled like James Bond in a few nice casinos. A jet plane took you 2000 miles and back – in just a few hours.”

“And for all of this, you paid about one and a half percent of your combined yearly income – and you’re whining! If there were a god in heaven who believed in justice, your friggin’ jet would have been hit by a damn lightening bolt at your first complaint!”

“And, not for nothing, your crummy $700 might have kept the lights on in ONE casino for about an hour and a half. Somehow!….they might have limped through the night without the money they STOLE from you.”

Will You Be Arrested this Weekend?

Friday, January 30th, 2009

The Superbowl is on Sunday. Gonna make a bet? It’s the largest betting event of the year – over $100 BILLION will be wagered on the game. Although Las Vegas expects a record-breaking day, over 99% of Superbowl bets are ILLEGAL. Las Vegas gets less than 1-percent of the action.

Illegal? Like in breaking the law? You got it, Bosco, BREAKING THE LAW. Work place parlays? ILLEGAL. Buying “squares” in a bar? ILLEGAL. Calling a bookie? ILLEGAL. Betting a lunch on the game with your best friend? ILLEGAL. Almost 1/2 of America makes bets and breaks the law on Superbowl Weekend.

Will the police be making mass arrests over the weekend? Doubt it. But should the people themselves decide which laws to obey and which they can break? Hmmm.

Our government was established to protect our freedom to live our lives as we choose – as long we don’t interfere with others by force or fraud. Pretty simple, huh? And then somewhere along the line, the Morality Nazi’s got into positions of power and began to decide that they knew better than we – how we should live our lives.

So the concept of ‘consensual crime’ was born and began to eat away at our freedom like malignant cancer cells in high gear. (’Consensual crime’ is a term that seems more accurate than ‘victimless crime’). Can a person commit a “crime” against himself? Who’s the “victim”? Can the criminal and the victim be the same person? Should the government decide what that crime is? Hmmm. Drugs, pornography, and gambling are all consensual crimes. Should a citizen be able to decide which laws he will obey and which he can ignore?

Tell you what – if you think we should follow every law that the government lays down – if you believe it knows how to live your life better than you, here’s what you do: Sunday afternoon, call your local police station. Tell them a large group of people is flagrantly breaking the law and you want them arrested! NOW!

(PS. in NYS, an involuntary mental health arrest can only get you institutionalized for 3 days – you’ll be out by Wednesday.)

####

{BTWSTEELERS-7. Bet on it!}

Cheaters Never Win and Las Vegas Never Cheats

Sunday, February 10th, 2008

lasvegas.jpegimages-12.jpeg

It happened again this week. Some friends came back from Vegas and the guy said about the dumbest thing any tourist can say, “We had a great time but we shouldn’t have gone into the casinos. I lost about $700 gambling. The casinos never lose – they cheat.”

Cheat?

I pretended to cough to keep from laughing. “The bastards!  How did they cheat you?” The response? “I don’t know, Franco. They rig the slot machines – they use marked decks for “21” (when a “gambler” calls Blackjack – “21”, you kinda know the guy ain’t playing for super high stakes). Whatever they do, you never leave the casino a winner! That’s how they keep these joints open.”

In conversations like this, I swear I spend about three quarters of the time trying NOT to burst out laughing. Sometimes I bite my lip; sometimes I cough. Sometimes I just try to think grim, horrible thoughts. What is it about me? Do I have a fetish for stupidity?

“Were you ever ahead?” I asked innocently.

Sheepish grin, “Oh yeh, at one point I was ahead about $300.”

Me: “Well, why didn’t you just walk out of the casino then – with their money?”

“Oh, you know how it is. I thought I was on a streak…..blah, blah, blah”.

I smiled. He now had to hear the Franco “You Are Such an Ungrateful Slob!” lecture which goes something like this:

“Las Vegas doesn’t cheat because IT DOESN’T HAVE TO CHEAT, YOU IDIOT! They tell you exactly what they make in percentages. They make roughly 10-20% of a GAZILLON gaming dollars every hour – 24 hours a day. Why the hell would they cheat and risk losing the trust of their revenue base?”

“The world has about 6-billion people in it. 3-billion of whom went to bed hungry last night. Yesterday, over 40,000 children died from starvation and disease. You just came back from a wonderful 4-day/ 3-night warm vacation. You stayed at one of the world’s premier hotels and ate at fancy restaurants with your lovely lady. You saw a Hollywood star (I already forgot which one) and gambled like James Bond in a few nice casinos. A jet plane took you 2000 miles and back – in just a few hours.”

“And for all of this, you paid about one and a half percent of your combined yearly income – and you’re whining! If there were a god in heaven who believed in justice, your friggin’ jet would have been hit by a goddamn lightening bolt at your first complaint!”

“And, not for nothing, your crummy $700 might have kept the lights on in ONE casino for about two and a half minutes. Somehow!….they might have limped through the night without the money they STOLE from you.”

####

Will You Be Arrested this Weekend?

Friday, February 1st, 2008

images.jpeg

The Superbowl is on Sunday. Gonna make a bet? It’s the largest betting event of the year – over $100 BILLION will be wagered on the game. Although Las Vegas expects a record-breaking day, over 99% of Superbowl bets are ILLEGAL. Las Vegas gets less than 1-percent of the action.

Illegal? Like in breaking the law? You got it, Bosco, BREAKING THE LAW. Work place parlays? ILLEGAL. Buying “squares” in a bar? ILLEGAL. Calling a bookie? ILLEGAL. Betting a lunch on the game with your best friend? ILLEGAL. Almost 1/2 of America makes bets and breaks the law on Superbowl Weekend.

Will the police be making mass arrests over the weekend? Doubt it. But should the people themselves decide which laws to obey and which they can break? Hmmm.

Our government was established to protect our freedom to live our lives as we choose – as long we don’t interfere with others by force or fraud. Pretty simple, huh? And then somewhere along the line, the Morality Nazi’s got into positions of power and began to decide that they knew better than we – how we should live our lives.

So the concept of ‘consensual crime’ was born and began to eat away at our freedom like malignant cancer cells in high gear. (‘Consensual crime’ is a term that seems more accurate than ‘victimless crime’). Can a person commit a “crime” against himself? Who’s the “victim”? Can the criminal and the victim be the same person? Should the government decide what that crime is? Hmmm. Drugs, pornography, and gambling are all consensual crimes. Should a citizen be able to decide which laws he will obey and which he can ignore?

Tell you what – if you think we should follow every law that the government lays down – if you believe it knows how to live your life better than you, here’s what you do: Sunday afternoon, call your local police station. Tell them a large group of people is flagrantly breaking the law and you want them arrested! NOW!

(PS. in NYS, an involuntary mental health arrest can only get you institutionalized for 3 days – you’ll be out by Wednesday.)

####

{BTWGIANTS + the points and UNDER 54. Bet on it!}