Posts Tagged ‘Drug addict’

It’s Tough To Study for A Drug Test

Friday, March 29th, 2013

Sydney Levin, 34, of St. Charles, Missouri was out on probation for possession of a controlled substance and felony theft. When he got out of jail, Sid smoked a little weed but really wasn’t worried about it.  The reason?  He’d bought the famous $99.95 Whizzinator kit which advertises that it: “includes a prosthetic penis with an adjustable strap, a 4oz reservoir, one vial of lab grade synthetic urine, 2 eight hour heat pads, temperature indicator, detailed instructions, and a reusable refill syringe.”

Sid figured he could easily pass a drug test.  Sid figured wrong.

The probation officer who gave the test became suspicious when Sid started “fiddling around down there like he was opening a jar of olives.”  He was immediately re-arrested and charged with “possessing a forging instrument” and, of course, violating his probation.

Warning: It might be inconvenient to apply for the Whizzonator’s money-back guarantee if you land back in jail.

 

The Whizzonator:
www.google.com

Junkie?

Saturday, November 24th, 2012


What’s the first thing a diner waitress says when she sees you?

“Coffee? Right away!”

And you’d better get it ‘right away’, Sugar Lips, because you’ve got a caffeine junkie who is now hurtling through drug withdrawal and trying hard not to snatch up the butter knife and stab the annoying people seated next to him.  Withdrawal symptoms started about 26-hours after your last cup of the legal drug.

As soon as you score your fix, you tear up little packets of white powder plus containers of liquid poison, and quickly mix up the nearly boiling-brew – before pouring it over one of the most sensitive parts of your body. Ouch! It hurts so good – like the needle prick announcement of anticipated joy when a junkie pushes a needle into her vein.  Coffee is America’s Drug of Choice – BY FAR! 50-million caffeine addicts drink an average of 4-cups per day.

I don’t drink coffee but I certainly don’t care what you do.

However, I would care very much if you’re one of those flaming, “respectable” hypocrites who thinks you’re better than the millions of Americans rotting in jail cells because they loved a drug which is different than yours. Your drug is legal and inexpensive. Their drugs are illegal – making them very expensive.

Still, probably we’re all just junkies in the grand scheme of the universe – and it  doesn’t need you to judge what’s right or wrong.

Position Desired: Junkie

Monday, October 19th, 2009

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Another model-junkie friend is going back to prison – again. For a year – or more. Violated her probation – peed ‘dirty’ – can’t keep off drugs. Too bad, right? Right. Today she’s hating herself more than ever.  What’s a word beyond ‘humiliation’? Devastation? She’s devastated that her two-year old son will learn someday that his Mommy is a JUNKIE – from the flapping tongue of a relative or “friend”.

It won’t even matter if she breaks her needle avocation. Unless you’re someone who has the money and talent of someone like a Britney or Lindsay – and she doesn’t – you’re going to wear the red-letter ‘A’ – Addict – FOREVER.  “Once a Junkie, always a Junkie.” And if you ever kick it and try your best to be a good Mom, there certainly will be enough hateful stares at the PTA meeting and church to make you feel ashamed.

Well, she did it to herself, right? Right – no denying that. And of course she should be punished, right? Of course. But she’s taking down some good people too.

Like YOU – and me – and every single American who’s ever paid a dime in taxes.

Christian punishment doesn’t come cheap, you know. Thousands and thousands of dollars have been spent to investigate this one junkie – to pee test her,  put her through Drug Court, State Drug Rehab, local drug rehabs, drug and mental health treatment progams,  County Jails,  State Prison and vocational rehabilitation programs. Money to fill the streets with Zero Tolerance cops and overtime, to pay all the counselors, correction officers, court officers, public defenders, parole boards and border patrols. And, the most expensive items? All the crimes she’s committed against us for her drug money and future ‘entitlement’ programs.

I’ll bet this one junkie has cost taxpayers over $1,000,000 in the past 8- years. Now multiply that by millions of junkies with a failure rate of over 90%.

The answer? Legalize heroin and give it to anyone with a doctor’s prescription. A government dose would cost less than 50-cents. Crime and disease would plummet.  Fewer families would be devastated.

Wouldn’t she take too much and kill herself? Not my problem, man.  As it stands today, it IS my problem – and yours too.

So Arrest Me

Monday, May 11th, 2009

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A woman friend of mine was recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Now, if you ever get to choose the cancer you might get, thyroid cancer is a good choice. It’s slow-growing and the cells in your thyroid gland are self-contained which makes them relatively easy to treat without destroying all the other cells in your body. But two factors complicate this case.

The first was the doctors made a mistake. After an exploratory operation removing part of her thyroid gland for biopsy, they said it was benign – non-cancerous. A week later a doctor called and said – in effect – “Oops, we made a mistake. You DO have cancer.”

OK. Everybody makes mistakes. Not a pleasant surprise but she’ll probably live – after treatment. The second complication is more serious. You see, my friend was a crack cocaine addict about 3 or 4 years ago. She went through detox and rehab and has been clean for a number of years now BUT it’s still on her medical record. So what? So now no doctor will prescribe pain medication (“Drugs!”) to relieve her suffering from the 4-inch gash she has sliced across her throat and from which she constantly suffers.

Now forget the fact that pain killers (barbiturates – “downers”) are the antithesis of her drug of choice (cocaine – a strong “upper”), a drug is a drug is a drug and no respectable sawbones is going to help get drugs for a documented druggie.

But I will.

That’s right – I have enough connections in offices, bars and on the street to get just about any legal or illegal drug known to humankind. And I’m going to ask those people to get narcotics to help my friend relieve her suffering.

Isn’t that against the law? It sure is. So on the one hand, we have this concept of a civilized society living by agreed-upon rules governing our behavior – and on the other, I have a loved one suffering from terrible pain and I can help her. What would you do?

I’ve made my decision. If you have a problem with it, you may call the Rochester, NY Police Department at (518) 428-7210. Ask for the Drug Enforcement Division.