Posts Tagged ‘April Fools’

Will B. Goode (Me too.)

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle was a comedian, director, and silent film star in the 1910’s. At his peak in 1921, he threw a wild party at a posh San Francisco hotel which may have been the quintessential example of early Hollywood debauchery. Virginia Rappe, a film “bit” actress (read: hooker) was supposedly raped by the 300+ pound Arbuckle – allegedly with a wine bottle. Unfortunately, Ms. Rappe died 3-days later from ruptured internal organs.

“Fatty” went through three trials (!) in California which did NOT convict him of manslaughter despite histrionic, career-oriented politicians. However – his films were banned, his career was ruined, and he was publicly ostracized. Although Arbuckle was acquitted by THREE juries and received a written apology, the scandal ruined him.

In 1932, he began a brief comeback just before his death – less than a year later . One of his only friends, Buster Keaton, (whom he “discovered”) said he should have used the name “Will B. Goode” to discourage public controversy.

I was told this story by my “friend”, “lover”, “doctor”, “counselor”, “spiritual advisor” – I won’t be more specific. She said, ‘Franco, you’ve been fighting too long. It’s time to relax – just calm down. You’ve fought against almost every “accepted” aspect of society for over 40-years! You’ve been vilified, pepper-gassed, ridiculed, hit with cops’ clubs, mocked, scorned, insulted, and laughed at – because society can’t – or won’t – see the world as you see it. It’s time to stop this rebellious madness and accept the world just as it is.”

I must admit, my eyes began to tear up. I couldn’t say anything. She went on:

“You’re older now – time to let the kids take over. The Universe thanks you for your loony rants! (We both laughed.) But really – what more can you do? You care too much and do just about everything to sabotage your health – and you’ve been successful at that! Really – you did a lot – but, in the end, what did it all mean to the ‘great mandela’? Now you’ve got ulcers, anxiety, high blood pressure, cirrhosis of the liver, acid reflux, etc., etc., etc. Why? For what?. Will you please just be good?” Just be good! I turned away.

She’s right, of course. It’s probably time to “be good” – go sane. This will probably be my last blog entry. It’s been a neat ride. Since July, this silly bit of almost-daily drivel has had over 40,000 hits! Incredible.

I’ve got some new things to do. My sisters in France want me to stay with them for awhile but, of course, Tuesday and Wednesday need me here – they’ll be starting college in the Fall. You can always reach me at: fpaolo1@rochester.rr.com. I have a new, future ex-wife who makes me laugh (she says she’s laughing WITH me. Right.) and my contract with the “Web Master” that hosts (?) this site expired yesterday and I don’t know how to renew it. Does it just float away to electronic heaven? Who knows?

Well, I hope I’ve made you laugh and think once or twice here. If I ever did both at the same time – it’s all been worth it.

kind regards,

paolo.

(APRIL FOOLS!)

Bumper Spagetti Crop Expected

Monday, March 30th, 2009

It will be April Fool’s Day in a few days and things are looking bleak. Does anyone (besides me) have fun anymore? When was the last time you had a good belly laugh? Look, I know the country’s going to hell, you’re probably going to lose your job, your kids are going to college on your dime and majoring in “Disappointing Mom & Dad”, Elvis is dead and you’re not feeling all that well yourself – but for crissakes, LIGHTEN UP. Your life today is not a dress rehearsal – this is it! Aren’t you supposed to have a little fun here? Even the Bible says, “Be Merry” (Although women have interpreted this as “Be Married” – Homosexual men as “Be Mary” and Nadya Suleman – Octopussy – as “Be Many”).

The UK has always had a better sense of ‘humour’ than America. On April 1, 1957, the BBC reported a bumper crop of Spaghetti because of a mild winter and better control of the feared ‘pasta weevil’. They even showed footage of peasants happily picking ripe spaghetti from the trees.

The network was shocked at the response. Thousands of Brits jammed its phone lines asking how they could grow their own “Spaghetti Trees”! “Keeping a stiff upper lip” (in other words, not laughing it’s electronic ass off) the BBC diplomatically delivered this answer:

“Place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best.”

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Bumper Spaghetti Crop Expected

Monday, March 24th, 2008

spaghetti_harvest.jpg

It will be April Fool’s Day on the first of next month and things are looking bleak. Does anyone (besides me) have fun anymore? When was the last time you had a good belly laugh? Look, I know the country’s going to hell in a BUSH-ell basket, your kids are going to college on your dime and majoring in “Disappointing Mom & Dad”, Elvis is dead and you’re not feeling all that well yourself – but for crissakes, LIGHTEN UP. Your life today is not a dress rehearsal; this is it! Aren’t you supposed to have a little fun here – did you forget how?

Years ago, even the British were having more fun than US. On April 1,1957, the BBC reported a bumper crop of Spaghetti because of a mild winter and better control of the feared ‘pasta weevil’. They even showed footage of peasants happily picking ripe spaghetti from the trees.

The network was shocked at the response. Thousands of Brits jammed its phone lines asking how they could grow their own “Spaghetti Trees”! “Keeping a stiff upper lip” (in other words, not laughing at the dimwits) the BBC diplomatically delivered this answer:

“Place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best.”

Could anyone be this naive 50-years later? Don’t even get me going on Iraq………….

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