Relationships On Ice

Lovers never fight about what they’re fighting about.  Once you get that lesson down, you move up the food chain of  PIR’s – People in Relationships.  I learned the lesson many years ago when I first lived with a woman, “M” (a pseudo-letter).

I love drinks with lots of ice. M loved soft drinks with ice.  Together, we went through a lot of ice cubes – there just never seemed to be enough.  So as any giggling young lovers would do to avoid a confrontation, we bought more ice cube trays. And then MORE ice cube trays.  After a few months, we couldn’t even fit most of our frozen food in the damn freezer because of our extended family of ice cube trays.

As naive as we were, even we knew the problem wasn’t “not enough ice cube trays”.  The problem was neither of us was willing to refill them.  So we decided on an adult “solution” – “if you use the last cube, refill the tray”.  The result became blindingly obvious: 24 empty trays, each containing its “last” ice cube.  We continued to fight about it for months.

Years later I finally figured out what the “ice cube war” was all about.  It wasn’t about ice, it was about power – “Who’s in Charge Here?”  And that’s usually the “real” fight in a relationship over EVERYTHING – “Who’s in Charge Here?”  Of course by that time, “M” was long gone – in a relationship with another man.  I asked her if he filled ice cube trays well.  She wouldn’t answer.

2 Responses to “Relationships On Ice”

  1. Bill says:


    You hit the nail on the head. Very few marriages are equal partnerships. One partner or the other calls all the shots–or at least all the shots that really count. I love women, but a lot of them aren’t shopping for a man; they’re shopping for a servant.

  2. Joe Belle-Isle says:

    NOT MY WIFE!! she has a stupid servant. I just can’t get her to let ME get one too.

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