Our Glorious Victory in Iraq


(Oops! Wrong picture. DAMN! Folks, please pay no attention to the above picture and the men behind the curtain).

Uh, tomorrow is the official end of the US’s combat role in Iraq.  We won! we’ve toppled that horrible despot, Saddam Hussein, set up a stable government in the country – and Iranians are now free.  We eliminated all the weapons of mass destruction, sectarian violence has ceased, and Osama Bin Laden is now very close to being captured.  Right.

Please let us explain the picture above.  It was taken on December 20, 1983.  The gentleman on the left is Donald Rumsfeld shaking hands with you know who.  Rumsfeld was a special envoy for President Ronald Reagan in those days.  Later he became Secretary of Defense under both Presidents Gerald Ford and George W. Bush.

In 1984, the United States supplied Iraq with helicopters and other “dual use” equipment and materials including chemical weapons.  (“I KNOW he has chemical weapons – I have the receipts right here!”).  We also provided intelligence and satellite data to assist Iraq’s bombing of Iran.  Besides all the Iranians he killed, Suddam also killed over 500,000 of his own people.

You see, Saddam was our friend in those days – but then he became our evil enemy (although he had nothing to do with 911).  Something like that.  Sorry – I’d explain but Americans are too dumb to understand Mideast foreign policy. The Big O will explain it to you tomorrow.

No matter, just remember: these wars (Iraq and Afghanistan) have NO connection to the profits of the military-industrial complex (Eisenhower must have been senile) nor America’s arrogant, 1950’s self-image drowning in a puddle of cheap 21st century reality.  And, at only $1-Trillion Dollars, they were quite a steal for the American taxpayer.

2 Responses to “Our Glorious Victory in Iraq”

  1. Bill says:

    The nations of Europe grow richer and healthier while we waste our money on military foolishness. Yes, there is a military industrial complex, but they couldn’t run things without the stupidity of the American voter.

  2. Joe Belle-Isle says:

    We’re pulling them out so they won’t be next to Ground Zero when we erase Iran’s Nukes. When they were shaking hands each one of them was thinking,”That S.O.B. jacks off with that hand. I gotta get to some soap and water fast.”
    I’m sure Rummy felt bad when he realized Saddam wanted weapons to kill people with.

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