No Such Thing as a Bad Road Job

I’m sick of PBS’s Antique Road Show – it’s always the same. I don’t remember if I’m watching a rerun or having a flashback (BTW – whatever happened to those LSD flashbacks they promised us in the 60’s? Remember? “You might be in a business meeting, have a flashback, then run across the table and dive out the window doing your impersonation of Art Linkletter’s daughter.” Yah, right. I’M WAITING HERE!) Anyway….

It’s the same thing every week. Some dumb goober sits with the suited estimator and they’re staring at a piece of crap that looks like the frozen fecal clumps they used to dump out of jet planes.

Estimator: “Tell me – how did you come across this piece?”

Goober: “Me and Hilda the wife was at some barn sale and she took a liking to it. It was $2.00 but she jewed the guy down to a buck and a half so I bought it just to shut her up.”

Estimator: “Heh, heh. Well do you know what you have here?”

Goober: “Nope. I tell my friends it’s a doorstop for Hilda’s mouth.”

Estimator: “Heh, heh. Well, you have a blah-blah, sculpted by blah-blah-blah during his green fecal period.”

Goober: “Is that good?”

Estimator: “Heh, heh. Well you should thank your wife – at auction it would bring anywhere between $10- and $20,000.”

Goober: “You shittin’ me, boy!?” EDITED FOR TELEVISION: “Wow – I better not drop it.”

Estimator: “Heh, heh.” THINKING: “You lucky old fart! You should choke on it!”

Tuesday and Wednesday, my cats, tell me it’s all made up. They said if I want to watch a sitcom I should just switch to the national news.

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