I’m Having An Affair…

I’m sorry, Pretty, but the guilt is crushing me. I must tell.

ENQUIRER was right. Yes – I’m having an affair with Kelly Rippa. We meet almost every day for an hour at my place, 10 Manhattan Square in Rochester. And when I’m in New York, Kelly books a suite for us at the Waldorf-Astoria (or “Wallass” as we call it – private joke). She only books it for three hours because she’s smart with her money. Of course, in reality, she’d only have to book it for 3-minutes or so – but she tells me it’s the hottest 3-minutes she’s ever felt!

I KNOW it’s wrong – I KNOW! But can the mind say “No.” when the heart says, “Yes, yes YES!”?

I know you’re thinking, amazed readers, she’s not the type of woman with whom you picture me. There’s the age thing, of course (she’s older than most of the women I’ve ever dated) and superficially she seems very superficial but under that naturally, streaked blond hair, resides a shrewd businesswoman’s brain which, along with her obvious talent, looks and personality, has helped Ms. Kelly earn something like $30-million a year. (Beat THAT Brenda Lipshitz!)

Kelly happily chirps on in the morning like a robin in spring – on coke. (Oh, I just heard her tell Regis her Father taught her to drive – with difficulty. She told me the REAL reason: she found it hard to get used to the front seat!)

What’s she like in person? Kelly is just like you see her on TV – funny, smart, quick, supportive of “Rege” (he’s about 105 years old now – Willard Scott gave him a birthday greeting years ago)…..and, yes, astoundingly, goddess-like, BEAUTIFUL. All the magazines rate her one of America’s Top 10 Beautiful and Sexy Women.

Kelly and I always laugh at her incredible “beauty”. Sometimes she waves her feet in the air and yells, “Beautiful? What about THESE?” And it’s true she has the biggest feet in show business – but I love her more for that! It makes her almost human. (We laughingly call her feet – “flippers” – private joke.)

Anyway, it has to be over, Kelly. It’s the right thing NOT to do. And although I don’t want you to call me anymore, you’ll ALWAYS have a place in my heart. Good bye Kelly, my sweet “SCAF”.



(k – CALL ME!)

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4 Responses to “I’m Having An Affair…”

  1. Frank Paolo says:

    Came home and there’s a message from KELLY RIPPA’S PR lawyers “office” (not even her lawyer). This MUST be a joke! If it’s not, here’s my response: BITE MY SLICE, BUDDY! I HAVE THE VIDEOS! AND, YES – I CAN IDENTIFY CERTAIN ‘PRIVATE’ CHARACTERISTICS OF KELLY’S PRIVATE PARTS. STILL IN DOUBT? ASK LENNY KRAVITZ!

  2. morris says:

    I thought she wore a size 7 EEE , that’s not that big, just really W-I-D-E

  3. Frank Paolo says:

    Uhh, thanks, Morris. I never checked. When Kelly and I were together, I would never even let her NEAR a tape measure.

  4. I love it when you talk dirty, tell me more about her feet. Can you get me a sock? I just need one.

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