Have a Nice Trip – See You Next Fall

I tripped on a piece of sidewalk yesterday but I didn’t fall.  Since I’ve gotten used to walking more, I rarely land on the concrete.  But I still have memories of a few nasty falls from last year.

Falling isn’t nice – remember? The awkward clip of the trip, then the concrete rushing at supersonic speeds towards your face, then the thudding crash (pause for a split second) then … PAIN! The shooting joint rips, the scraped hands, knees, and elbow skin tears, bruises – then the quick jump to your feet and the MANDATORY downward look of revulsion at the evil piece of concrete which chose YOU (out of all the other idiot pedestrians walking that day) to make stumble and look like a spastic imbecile.

Almost all sidewalks in Northeastern US cities are potential land ‘on-your-ass’ mines. The reason is simple: the changing seasons. When rain and snow freeze under and between sidewalk slabs in winter, the ice expands and cracks or makes uneven the concrete. When spring rolls around, the ice melts and sidewalks look like miles of crooked, broken teeth.

Shouldn’t the city fix the sidewalks and even them out? Well of course they should. Just as soon as they fix all the potholes and clear all the fallen, soaked leaves and trash from the streets – which will be about the twelfth of Never.

A few years ago, New York City came up with a genius solution because they have more sidewalk problems than any other city which resulted in injury lawsuits costing city taxpayers over $50-million a year. They simply passed a law saying it wasn’t their problem anymore. Property owners are now required to carry liability insurance for personal injury and property damage in sidewalk accidents.

And what happens if you fall on a sidewalk in front of say a city park? Officially: not the city’s problem. Unofficially: you’d better crawl your sorry, broken ass to a sidewalk in front of private property before you begin hollering and threatening to sue. I heart New York!

4 Responses to “Have a Nice Trip – See You Next Fall”

  1. Joe Belle-Isle says:

    Did you know WHY manhole covers are round? ROUND is the only shape that won’t find a way to fall in to itself. The good news is the price of iron is going up-finaly!> The bad news is people are stealing manhole covers. They ARE heavy.

  2. paolo. says:

    I LOVE facts like that!

    Readers: One week from today is Memorial Day and Joe is going to write the post from a Vet’s perspective. It’s far more interesting than anything with which I could come up. Stay tuned

  3. Joe Belle-Isle says:

    And you made fun of country songs and there you are relating to them-‘Until the twelf of never, and you and all the other soaked garbage is gone….mmmm.mmmmmmm,m’ Catchy little tune you have there.

  4. Joe Belle-Isle says:

    Jees, I wrote that and left it on the screen, added the joke about the country song, and your reference came up. Thank you Frank you know the reference was to country music not you, I hope. And when you think about it without country music we wouldn’t have had Audie Murphy machine gunning Nazi’s to the tunes of Texas Swing in his head. He’s worth Googleing and reading his Medal Of Honor Citation. And he was so young ten years or more later he was still able to play himself as a kid in the movie. And he hated war and laid into congress.

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