Happy Late Birthday, Barbie!

It was Barbies’s 52nd birthday last week and except for a little paunch and a few more lines, the babe STILL looks good. Of course she never had to shed baby fat, stumble through puberty, pull all-nighters, dribble drugs, have her first plastic period, get her heart stomped on a few times, cure hangovers, nor produce any little Barbies. Sure she got a little freaked marrying and then divorcing Ken – but what did she expect choosing the gayest guy this side of Provincetown? But Barbie’s life wasn’t all Fashion Queen plus three interchangeable wigs!

Women: picture yourself coming into this world with measurements of 39-18-33. If you could walk without toppling, you could have your pick of any guy at school. But imagine his horror the first time in a back seat at a drive-in when he discovers you’re SERIOUSLY not anatomically correct! So what if you got bendable legs in 1965? Who’s going to bend them and what for?

Anyway, Happy Birthday, Barbie, may you have many more.

4 Responses to “Happy Late Birthday, Barbie!”

  1. Bill says:

    Elizabeth I of England never married, and it was rumored she had no vaginal opening. She assembled three of the top surgeons in Europe to correct the defect but decided against it on the eve of the operation. Don’t forget, they didn’t have anesthesia or antibiotics in that era; many women died of infection after giving birth. She may not have had vaginal sex or a child, but as the queen she had everything else she could desire, including oral gratification with any number of partners. In her shoes, I’d have made the same decision.

    And Barbie’s wardrobe no doubt went far in making up for her disappointment.

  2. Joseph Belle-Isle says:

    Dang Bill! Does EVERYONE in the ACLU HAVE TO want a wardrobe like Barbies just to get in? As Far as Queen Elizabeth I having no vaginal opening that just PROVES that Aliens walk among us. She probably screwed shaking hands and playing hide the finger. (In the palm). OR Slid down the bannister without her shorts on so much when she was little she had a hymen made out of a callouse as tough as rawhide.

  3. paolo. says:

    Borderline, Joe – REAL borderline…….

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