Functionally Punctual (FP)


I’m ‘on time’ more than most clocks you’ll ever own. I’m ‘on time’ almost every time – and I expect you to be too. But these expectations are too high for most people. They were WAY too high for one of the first women with whom I lived, D_____.

D_____ was late for everything. EVERYTHING! So D____ and I knew we had to work something out to live as a couple. D____ couldn’t drive and I had a car, so our agreement was simple: she got to CHOOSE the time when we left – and I drove at THAT designated time. What could be more fair?

It was a steamy, mid-August afternoon – you almost had to push the air out of the way when you moved. D____ and I had to attend some miserable outdoor function that should have added ‘100% Boredom Assured’ to it’s program. I finally dragged her away from this local version of ‘Night of the Living Dead’.

Halfway home she decided she needed to go to Wegmans for a few things.

“Oooooh,” I groaned.

“C’mon! It will only take a few minutes! We’ll use the ‘Car Leaves’ rule”.

Once parked at Wegmans, the car clock read 2:45 pm.

“Just 15 minutes.” D____ said. “Departure time will be 3:00pm – promise!” I watched her as she shut the car door. Wow did she look great in a dress and heels! I leaned back and turned on the radio. Then, 2:50, 2:54. “Damn!” I thought, “I knew it!” 2:58 – 3:00pm. “OK, that’s it,” I said to myself. I backed out of the space and slowly started for the exit.

That’s when I saw her in the rear view mirror. She had a paper grocery bag in each arm and was running very well for a tall blond in heels. I had forgotten she was on the track team in high school. And she almost made it!

The phone was ringing when I got home. I had a pretty good idea who it was.

D____ and I no longer live together.

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3 Responses to “Functionally Punctual (FP)”

  1. Joe Belle-Isle says:

    That’s hard. If you were gonna leave her there why didn’t you just turn around and let her load the trunk, THEN pulled off?

  2. Brenda says:

    Sometimes, I think people are just destined to be late. I am one of those people. Even when I get up earlier or get ready earlier something always happens to make me late. Here’s a perfect example: I agreed to meet a co-worker at the repair shop to give them a ride to work. Since, I am notoriously late for work, he harped on me a little bit about being on time. I got up early. I left 20 minutes early to make the normally 10-15 minute trip. I ran into road work (not major road work that everyone should know ab out either). It had traffic backed up so badly that it literally took me twenty minutes to get one mile from my house. When I run into the store and pick up only the things on my list, 9 times out of 10 check out takes longer than the shopping. Someone needs to argue with the cashier, the cashier is incompetant, or there aren’t enough cashiers working. Its always something.

  3. says:

    Inga said “what a load of crap!” just for the sake of irony, but I’ll refrain

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