Freak the Kids – Carve Peppers!

Put a little scare back into Halloween!  Carved orange pumpkins are so boring, the kids might fall asleep on your porch.  Use your imagination!  Hell, the night is supposed to be at least a little scary, so do some edgy stuff before the little beggars get their treats.

Hook up speakers and blast the little superheros onto your lawn with extremely loud screams and groans.  Make sure the sounds aren’t playing constantly – wait until a new group arrives before hitting ‘play’.  A hooked up microphone can really add to the fun.

Hand out wrapped candy with fake, blood-dripping hands.  Come to the door with guts hanging from your mouth. And smile – don’t make a thing of it.  Talk to people who aren’t there and act very afraid.  Crawl to the door and give out treats lying down.  Carry a shovel and put your spouse on your back – seriously ask the kids to help you bury the body.

Ask them to bow their heads a moment before getting the treats because it was exactly one-year ago that your nephew, Joe Bagadonuts, had his throat slit on this very porch. Make sure there are adequate blood stains all over the stoop.  Come to the door crying and sobbing uncontrollably.

Do you want to REALLY repulse them?  For a treat, give them an apple or carrot.

5 Responses to “Freak the Kids – Carve Peppers!”

  1. Bill says:

    When I was a lad we would go trick or treating with no adults and rake in all kinds of loot. I feel sorry for kids today who can’t fart without parental supervision.

    People tell me the world has changed–meaning it’s more dangerous. They are right about the world changing, but it’s no more dangerous now than it was in my day. What has changed is the media hysteria everytime something bad happens anywhere in the USA which creates terror in the hearts of parents. There have always been a few weirdos out there, but we never heard about them unless they lived right in our own backyard. Just like welfare breeds dependency, parental paranoia breeds irrational fear in future generations.

    Frank, most parents today wouldn’t let their kids eat that apple of yours for fear of a razor blade or poison or something. Pathetic. But I really do like your idea of lying on the floor; it would’ve scare me.

  2. paolo. says:

    Of course parents must be more ‘on guard’ than in our day. I guess I’m thinking of the “burbs” where the parents probably walk their kids to houses where they know the neighbors and wait for them on the sidewalk. I still hope they get “scared” in a fun way – like a roller-coaster.

    I sure wouldn’t open my door for any “kid” over six feet tall.

    When I was young, some neighbors had 2 – baskets of treats. One for the kids they knew – and another for strangers brought in by unfamiliar cars.

  3. Joe Belle-Isle says:

    FranK! All you need to do is get some of those Carvel ice cream sandwhiches they have to eat right away and put rat poison in them. Don’t just SAY Bills wrong, PROVE IT!!! Throw a haunted house party and lock them in the basement with refreshments and Vermin. and an alternating strobe light. When they start wailing they are hungry, ask for a “Volunteer!” Then give them each $5.00 and send them home with an apple. What a nice man.

  4. paolo. says:

    I didn’t say Bill was wrong, Joe. And knowing you live in Florida, I wouldn’t let a kid of mine go trick or treating anywhere there or adjacent states.

  5. Joe Belle-Isle says:

    It’s perfectly safe here we don’t have basements. But that does illustrate the point that Halloween in my Grandmothers day-say 1890, was a day for teenagers to knock over outhouses. They didn’t sell costumes, super wealthy had masquerade balls.
    WE were in the post WWII days of celebration, and those days are GONE. I think THAT was started by the baby boom and the large candy companies and TV.
    We got our grandkids costumes and took them to freinds house. The days of changing makeup for a week and getting five bags of candy are way over, we haven’t had any trick or treaters in all the time we’ve lived off the road in the country. Leaving the porch light out helps.
    Plus they don’t have 5C and 10C candy bars anymore.

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