Freak The Kids – Carve Peppers!


Put a little scare back into Halloween! Carved orange pumpkins are so boring, the kids might fall asleep on your porch.  Use your imagination!  Hell, the night is supposed to be at least a little scary, so do some edgy stuff before the little beggars get their treats.

Hook up speakers and blast the little superheros onto your lawn with extremely loud screams and groans.  Make sure the sounds aren’t playing constantly – wait until a new group arrives before hitting ‘play’.  A hooked up microphone can really add to the fun.

Hand out wrapped candy with fake, blood-dripping hands.  Come to the door with guts hanging from your mouth. And smile – don’t make a thing of it.  Talk to people who aren’t there and act very afraid.  Crawl to the door and give out treats lying down.  Carry a shovel and put your spouse on your back – seriously ask the kids to help you bury the body.

Ask them to bow their heads a moment before getting the treats because it was exactly one-year ago that your nephew, Joe Bagadonuts, had his throat slit on this very porch. Make sure there are adequate blood stains all over the stoop.  Come to the door crying and sobbing uncontrollably.

Do you want to REALLY repulse them?  For a treat, give them an apple or carrot.

One Response to “Freak The Kids – Carve Peppers!”

  1. Bill says:

    The only people who get frightened on Halloween are single men and women 50 years old and up (the older the better) and cemetary caretakers. The first group will often find their property vandalized in some fashion, while the caretakers have to push gravestones back up and sandblast graffiti.

    Children used to be frightened of fellow, larger trick-or-treaters who would rob them of their loot, but with the advent of helicopter parenting, you seldom see that any longer.

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