Don’t Be a Loafer

Here’s the problem: how can you discipline prison inmates who, in effect, have nothing to lose by committing crimes against fellow prisoners and guards? Lifers and real long termers (25+ years and more) can’t serve more time in prison because, in reality, they’ll die there anyway. These guys really don’t mind solitary confinement and, legally, the state can’t use physical force nor psychological torture. So when these villains get out of line, really – what can the prison administration do?

Meet the Loaf. The Prison Loaf is nutritionally sound and well balanced – and just about the most unappetizing food you can imagine. Often the loaf is what the rest of the inmates eat – maybe – except the food is thrown into a blender until it has the consistency of half-cooked oatmeal – and then it’s baked into the form of a brick. It’s said that wet cardboard has more taste.
The United States Supreme Court has ruled prisons cannot use the deprival of food as a punishment. So prisons have said in effect, “OK. We’ll give them food – just not up to the high gourmet standards of regular prison chow.” Prison officials say a few weeks or a month on the loaf almost always gets disagreeable inmates back in line. In fact, even the threat of the loaf is effective for inmate attitude adjustment. I don’t know why – but I find this funny as hell. It’s like telling these big, scary killers, “Bad! No dinner for you. Go to your room!”

One Response to “Don’t Be a Loafer”

  1. Joe Bele-Isle says:

    The Martha Stewart Touch. Knife and spoon to the right, fork to the left. Napkin on your lap, and make sure you don’t use any of them or your hands.

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