Does Santa Have A Cocaine Problem?

Forget the milk and cookies. Santa is telling you what he really wants.

Frenetically rushing around the world in one night was probably one sign. His top deer having a bright red nose was another.  But chronically tapping his nose with his finger was the obvious danger signal that Saint Nick wasn’t making toys around the clock on coffee.  His elves and Mrs. Claus performed an intervention last summer and Santa wasn’t too jolly about it.

North Pole spokesperson, Candy Cane, denied the rumors of Mr. Christmas’s drug use.

“That’s how he gets up chimneys for Chrissakes!” she said.  Then Ms. Cane quoted from the classic Christmas poem, ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’ to make her point.  She read:

“And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.”

“Geez!” she exclaimed, “I hope you’re not going to tell this shit to the kids!”

Mr. Claus reportedly signed into the Betty Ford Clinic using the name "Rob Ford."

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