Cups of Hypocrisy

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What’s the first thing a diner waitress says when she sees you?

“Coffee?”

Come in with a few friends?

“Coffee? Coffee? Coffee? Right away!”

And you’d better get it ‘right away’, Sugar Lips, because you’ve got a table full of caffeine junkies who are now hurtling through drug withdrawal and trying hard not to snatch up their butter knives and stab the annoying people seated next to them. Most of them don’t talk – they twitch. “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my first two cups” is the sad mantra chanted by these pathetic addicts 150-million times each morning across America.

When the coffee dealer finally distributes her steaming fixes, a whole new attitude surrounds the group. They’re friendlier – they start to chat – and their behavior would horrify members of polite society. They slurp, they blow, they smack, they suck, they rip open little packets of white powder, tear off the covers of tiny containers of liquid poison, and quickly mix up the nearly boiling-brew – before pouring it over some of the most sensitive parts of their bodies. Ouch! It hurts so good – like the needle prick announcement of anticipated joy when a junkie pushes a needle into a vein.  Then there’s the loud, satisfied “ahhh” which is an acceptable table grunt as they nod to each other in a shared understanding of affordable addiction. Coffee is America’s Drug of Choice – by far.

I hate coffee. I hate the taste. I hate the smell. I hate the mindless rituals. I hate those personalized cups which should say, “World’s Greatest Asshole” around a smiley face. But most of all, I hate the hypocrisy.

Caffeine is a drug – a powerful drug. And if you’re a daily coffee drinker, like about 150-million other Americans, you’re a drug addict – plain and simple. You can’t just quit without significant withdrawal symptoms and you can’t just stop at 2-cups a day. National average? About 4.

Caffeine makes you feel good – but is it good for you? Of course it’s not good for you. But I think you should drink all the coffee you want. I don’t care – it’s your body – fill it with whatever or whomever you choose. That’s called freedom.

However, I would care very much if you’re one of those flaming, “respectable” hypocrites who thinks you’re better than the millions of Americans rotting in jail cells because they loved a drug which is different than yours. Your drug is legal and inexpensive. Their drugs are illegal making them very expensive. Still, we’re all just junkies in the grand scheme of the universe – which probably doesn’t care one way or another anyway.

7 Responses to “Cups of Hypocrisy”

  1. paolo. says:

    Everyone: many, many comments have been deleted by the browser or the server. Maybe I hit the max with over 16-hundred? Stay tuned.

  2. Joe Bele-Isle says:

    Even coffee is adulterated. Decaf is treated with Nitrogen. The chemicals in decaf keep me awake more than caffeine does, but that’s me. Talk about espresso! Along the canning line coffee dust gathers until it looks like grease. I always wonderred what it would be like to take a glob of that and put it in my cheek like snuff. So what do they do to the pure caffeine they take out of the bean in the decaf process? Coca-Cola-Pepsi, tons of soft drinks. And here beer has to be no more than 5%. They remove the excess alcohol. And no they don’t throw it out. That’s where the alc. in those expensive wino coolers come from. Pure green vodka. Pork Sausage? We eat everything but the “OINK.”

  3. paolo. says:

    Like they say, Joe, you really don’t want to know how they make sausage – or make laws.

  4. Bill says:

    Your point about the hypocrisy surrounding the war on drugs is well-taken. I agree 100%. And the flavor and smell are pretty bad. Like beer, it is an acquired taste.

    However, it should be noted that coffee IS good for you if taken in moderation and a great many of us do limit ourselves to one or two cups per day. I certainly hope I don’t sound like a pig at the trough, but I have to admit to deriving great pleasure from that first (quiet) sip.

  5. Joe Bele-Isle says:

    The Brits got addicted to caffeine from tea. It comes onto you slower but is definitely there- with the biggest navy in the world they got drinking water for their ships from whatever Island they could and had to boil it, so they would throw in some tea to get the rotten flavor out. Somehow we got into coffee. But if your looking for a job one of the best ways is to get to a Mom&Pop store about 6am and ask all the folks getting their morning coffee on their way to work- just where IS the work at. I have to get my shot right now!

  6. Joe Bele-Isle says:

    And if you drink 2 large coffees in the morning your gonna be going to the bathroom all morning. In Cuba Town down in Miami they have coffee shops where they sell just a small shot of super coffee with a small roll. Very little water but a ton of caffeine. with that little roll to make it easy on your stomach- really a nice tradition.

  7. Steve says:

    Nice post, Frank.
    Leave it to Bismark and Cachito (just 5 minutes with THAT guy ,please) to come back with their usual ignorant responses on the D&C.
    What I love, that IDIOT Cachito (and I so hope he sees this), goes on and on about how bias the D&C is and “left leaning” it is, yet he is continued to be allowed to comment there.
    Amazing.

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