Cry Me a Rivers

It seems Joaquin Rivers is taking the 10:10 to Crazyville. Wednesday night he was on David Letterman’s show promoting his new movie ‘Two Lovers’ with Gwyneth Paltrow – and he didn’t feel like talking. Now if you go on a talk show and you don’t feel like talking, it tends to get on the host’s nerves. It got on Letterman’s nerves right away and he started mocking Rivers new, wild-beard look asking, “So what can you tell me about your days with the Unabomber?” Rivers ignored him as the audience howled.

I saw all of this on a news report. I never watch late-night shows because they’re on too late, I don’t know how to ‘time shift’ my TV, and I don’t really give a shit anyway. So I never heard of Joaquin Rivers but I did a little research to see why he was driving in the break-down lane. My first thought was he had to make a movie with Gwyneth Paltrow (isn’t she the one who almost made Ellen Degeneres go straight?) But that wasn’t it. Nope – it seems young Rivers doesn’t want to be an overpaid actor any longer – he wants to be an overpaid RAPPER. Say what? Yep, as in a ‘spit-in-de-microphone-wassup?-women-be-shit-life sucks-YO’ RAPPER!

Uh, don’t Rappers have to be Black? Well I thought so – and that definitely is the preferred flavor – but it seems there’s an ‘Oh, alright’ clause for token toasties. Still, whitey rapping seems like a fat, Italian chef with a Chef Boyardee mustache singing “O Solo Mio” and making Sushi. Somehow the ambiance fizzles.

Now some people might be thinking I’m not taking seriously this kid’s mental collection of convoluted craziness. Some people would be right. See, last night I was walking home in the pouring rain and I passed this old homeless guy in a urine filled doorway. He just turned away and said something crazy. Ah, crazy people! I’ll bet the guy never even met Gwyneth Paltrow.


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5 Responses to “Cry Me a Rivers”

  1. Bill says:

    There is a history of mental illness in that family. It’s a shame because the kid really is a fine actor. Yes, Letterman was funny, but he wasn’t dealing with an eccentric; he was talking to a young man with real problems. I don’t want to come off as a pious pain in the ass here, but Dave could have displayed a bit more compassion.

  2. frank says:

    Mr. Paolo,

    Joaquin’s last name is Phoenix, his brother was River.

    Thought you might want to know.

    BTW, I enjoy your posts and blogs.

    Take Care

  3. paolo. says:

    I don’t care what Letterman did – he’s a nitwit and I’ve never watched his show (nor the show of any other late night host). My point is very simple: there are tens of millions of people in the US who have psychological and/or emotional problems. They’re not ‘glamorous’ – they aren’t ‘pretty’ or famous- and they don’t have kazilions of dollars to spend on their own care – or people who have significant amounts of bucks invested in them to care for their welfare.

    The old guy in the doorway is worth just as much as some flipped-out superstar. What are the chances he’ll get the same help and care? Zero%!

  4. Ahh Frank you have a heart. I haven’t been up to writing much since a fender bender last thursday. When My brakes failed fortunately there was a car stopped dead in front of me to keep me from flying through the light. But the four cops that had me coast the brakeless van through the light at their guidance didn’t notice the little downhill angle as I pulled into the gas station they were pointing at. I didn’t hit the restaurant next door to the gas station’s brick walls hard enough to stop as I passed through it’s (The restauraunts) Port Cochere and those triangle shaped cement things in the motels parking lot that are designed to gently tell you you’ve gone far enough won’t stop a rolling van while nervous cops are screaming at you to put the transmission in park (And tear it out of the van) got me so nervous screaming at me from the street I forgot about the emergency brake. So I finally stopped shaking enough to type a little today and like what you said about our brothers with bad luck. And the guy I hit by accident, the cops, the restaurant owner, and the owner of the motel where I had to leave my van all aked if I was OK, was everybody else OK, and just said, “Stuff happens. Nobody got hurt, get your van fixed, and forget about it.” And when I see somebody in the city begging for a dollar or spare change I always give them enough for a beer. I’m not religious but I have read some biblical sayings that no preacher will read to you. “Give weak spirits to the poor so they can forget their unhappiness, and strong spirits to the sick, to ease their pain.”

  5. amy stahl says:

    Somehow the ambiance fizzles.

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