Cell Hell

I went to lunch with my ex-wife “T” a few weeks ago.  It was great seeing her and we had a few laughs – and then my cell phone came up.  I hate cell phones and never had one until five months ago when a friend gave me a fancy one because I lost my car. I was supposed to use it for emergencies and bus schedules and all I wanted to on nights and weekends.  I never really like calling anyone.  It’s always a bother – to me.  For all these months, I’ve used it five, maybe six times – and no one has ever called me on it.  “T” asked for my cell phone number.

“I don’t know what it is,” I truthfully said.

“You don’t know what your number is?  Well then how can you expect anyone to call – obviously, no one else knows it either.”

“I don’t expect people to call,” I said, “I don’t even want people to call.  I never answer my phone at home – I know too many nuts.”  T quickly agreed. She played with a lot of buttons on my phone but couldn’t come up with the number.

“OK,” she said, “you call me on my cell phone and it will tell us the number.”  Great idea.  It didn’t work. It seems my number is “anonymous” to anyone I call.  She couldn’t “unblock” it – I really didn’t care.

In the early ‘70’s, I was one of the first on my block to get a telephone answering machine.  I rank it right up there with the wheel, the electric light bulb, and vulcanized rubber in terms of mankind’s greatest hits.  I wish I’d saved over 30-years of my recordings. Many of them would go like this:

“Pick up the damn phone, you sonofabitch!  I know you’re sitting there listening!

3 Responses to “Cell Hell”

  1. Bill says:

    I retired from a gvt agency involving contact with thousands of clients every year. None of the women and few of the men who were my coworkers had listed phone numbers out of fear of being harrassed by all the nut cases. I, on the other hand, was listed in the phone book. Over the course of 30 years, I got exactly one work related call on my home phone, and that was from an employee of another agency. My coworkers were paranoid over nothing.

  2. Joseph Belle-Isle says:

    Using your own phone to talk to people sounds like a security breach. Frank, by not talking to people on his phone, sounds like a spy. But I knew a guy that got a CB rig for his car before cell phones and he had to call a freind on the home phone to get them to go out and ride around because he only had the one freind with a CB rig. And they would call each other at home to go out and drive around so they could talk to each other on their CB rigs. I don’t see anymore CB rig repair places by the Highway anymore. Beacause of all you folks that don’t talk to each other on your cell phones.

  3. paolo. says:

    This piece was written last year. I no longer have a cell phone. The person who put me on his plan called a few weeks ago to tell me he was switching plans and my little phone was no longer included. He called me on my real home phone because he knew my cell phone was living in a kitchen drawer. Since I never answer my own phone, I certainly would never answer his. He said it would still ring 911. It’s still in the drawer – I don’t plan to have any emergencies.

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