Celebrating Disappointment

Here are some tips to have a sad, disappointing Christmas this year:

• Keep reminding yourself that Christmas isn’t as good as it used to be.

• Compare your reality to those dancing sugarplum fairies on Currier & Ives prints.

• Remember that everyone but you has forgotten “the true meaning of Christmas.”  Continually announce this to every person you meet.

• Worry about if you should say ‘Merry Christmas’ or ‘Happy Holidays’ to people.

• Snivel “I’m just not in the Christmas spirit!” to everyone.

• Instead of writing or creating something really loving and caring for someone, buy things for too much money and get really nostalgic next summer when you’re still paying for the damn crap.

• Try to do everything in the same traditional way and rap your kid on the head if he doesn’t go ga-ga over your grandmother’s recipe for molasses’s cookies.

• DEMAND there be snow on the ground for Christmas Day – it’s your Constitutional right.

• Pressure yourself to make sure that every single one of the 10,000 holiday details is absolutely perfect.

• Measure your worth as an individual  by how well you “do” Christmas.


Leave a Reply