Archive for the ‘Paolo’s Best’ Category

Why Do We Laugh When People Fall?

Friday, June 7th, 2019
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From GIRL To GORILLA!

Wednesday, June 5th, 2019

“Basha the Jungle Girl” was the ultimate carnival hustle. Now you KNOW they can’t turn a girl into a gorilla –  so it wasn’t a question of IF they were  going to scam you – it was just a question of HOW?

A bunch of us high school kids stood near the tent opening  wondering whether it was worth a buck to see the Basha transformation.

Suddenly there was a loud explosion in the tent and about thirty people ran screaming and laughing out of the conveniently-opened  side flap.  “Go in, go, hurry!” they said, “It’s unbelievable!” We could hardly wait to push our sweaty dollars into the ticket taker’s hands.  The tickets only had two words printed on them, “No Refunds.”

Once inside the hot, pitch black tent with another thirty “customers”, a dim red light started to glow on the small stage. It highlighted a woman who was either highly agitated and pulling out her hair – or giving herself a shampoo. You could barely see a thing so, of course, the crowd pushed closer and closer to get a dollar’s worth of thrill.

The woman quietly moaned as jungle music started to play. Then, BANG! – a loud explosion! – a lot of screams, a bright spotlight in our eyes – and then this goofy, growling guy in a cheap gorilla suit ran right into the crowd!  Everyone started running through the open tent flap, laughing and screaming as we went and telling the people outside “Oh, yes! you HAVE to see this!”

I never had so much fun for a dollar in my life!

And God Created Bombardier Beetles

Tuesday, June 4th, 2019
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Bombardier beetles are natures’ most sophisticated, ultra high-tech, killing machines. They have 2- separate reservoirs in their anterior containing the reactant chemical compounds hydroquinone and hydrogen peroxide.

For defense or prey, the beetle contracts muscles that force the two reactants into a mixing chamber containing catalytic enzymes. Combined, the reactants undergo a violent exothermic chemical reaction raising the temperature to the boiling point of water and then shoot out with deadly accuracy.

When discussing ‘creationism vs. evolution,’ the bombardier beetle if often cited by both sides as an example to support their arguments of intelligent design.

Creationists say, “Who but an all powerful God could create an insect with such a complex system of defense in 6000-years?”

To which evolutionists say, “You’re asking us to believe some ghost in the sky labored over the design of millions of bugs based on a collection of symbolic stories told over 2000 years ago?”

When the loud discussion gets to this point, it’s best to walk into the next room and pet the cat.

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Read more here:/www.google.com/

Muhammed Ali’s “Father” – Gorgeous George

Thursday, May 30th, 2019
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www.youtube.com/

Except for me, everyone I knew hated Muhammad Ali in the early 1960’s. He was loud, conceited, and obnoxious.  While the good “colored” boxers like Floyd Patterson spoke quietly and acted like gentlemen, Ali was jumping around the ring screaming “I AM the GREATEST!” I figured he was just acting.

He learned the act from wrestler George Wagner.

George was a mediocre wrestler in the dull 1950’s.  Although fixed even then, wrestling matches basically consisted  of two heavy guys in black briefs sweating from rolling around on the mat.  Arenas were half empty.  Then along came “Gorgeous George” to brighten things up.  He became a “cheating, dirty villain.”

People started coming through the turnstiles just to see him get his ass kicked.  And if he did lose (rarely) he’d cry, complain, and say the other guy cheated and should be disqualified! The “perfect” sore loser.

George was an anathema to wrestling fans,  He dyed his hair blond, wore a glitzy-elegant robe, had his own valet, and told referees to “keep your filthy hands off me.” George started acting effeminate in an age when gay people were officially deemed “sexual psychopaths.”

Thousands of fans filled the auditoriums with their hatred – and their money – just to see him get beaten.  And Gorgeous George (like Liberace) cried all the way to the bank.

More George: /www.google.com/

Does Kanisha Have More Sex Than Tiffany?

Wednesday, May 29th, 2019

Simply, no. Many studies show the rate of sexual intercourse by black and white teenage girls between the ages of 14-19 is statistically insignificant.* The BIG difference is that young African-American girls get pregnant more often and keep their babies without being married. Why?

The answers are complicated.  They include social, cultural, and psychological differences.  Among these (obviously generalizing):

• The “dream map” of white, middle class girls is: finish school, get a job, meet a good guy for a big wedding, have children, and then buy a nice house. Black girls’ dreams – especially those from lower class backgrounds – are much different and not nearly as grand.

• Because their long term goals of an education and career aren’t realistically as strong as white girls,’ a pregnancy does not necessarily interfere.

• Since black people don’t live as long whites (by about 10-years,) girls are encouraged to “hurry” the child process along – often by mothers and grandmothers who want to see their offspring.

• No girl wants to marry a guy who is uneducated, unemployed, and may spend years being incarcerated.  Black girls have a much smaller husband pool.

The list goes on and is even more complicated.  But when people say  “just cross your legs,” their advice sounds naive and stupid. It’s like telling overweight people to “just eat less” without understanding how they got fat in the first place.

Hundreds of years later, America is still paying the price of slavery.  It’s like future generations of your children paying off the huge national debt WE created.  Of course it’s not fair.

* African American Families Today – Myths and Realities; Hattery 

Do white or black girls have more sex?   https://www.google.com/

No Nudes Is Bad Nudes

Tuesday, May 28th, 2019


Memorial Day traditionally has been the kickoff for nudist resorts in regions like mine in Upstate New York. I’ve enjoyed nude sunbathing for years and, as others have told me, it’s no big thing.  But whatever the location, nudists enjoy the sun and the freedom allowed by a clothes-free environment.

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This freedom comes from total body acceptance without regard to the ‘young, beautiful, slender bodies’ culture. I’ve seen the bodies of senior citizens, kids, fat people, skinny people, and just about everyone else under the sun. It’s hard to believe – but nobody really cares what you look like. The naked novelty idea wears off after about ten minutes – really.

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In this society, we associate being naked with sex – but nudist resorts are about as sexy as dog shows. There are no displays of affection, teasing bikinis, or “enhanced” Speed-O’s. Sun worshippers are just average, tradition – bound Americans with this one rebellious activity which they do not consider rebellious at all.

Do they worry about skin damage from the sun? Oh please – virtually everything is relatively safe when done in moderation. And anything done regularly to the extreme is usually harmful – especially moderation.

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 While I’m writing this, the only thing I have on is the TV.

Nudist resorts: https://www.google.com/

May 24, 2019

Friday, May 24th, 2019

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OMG! Who could have seen this coming?

Some big GOP donors are getting construction contracts to build Asswipe’s wall! That’s construction money Asswipe misappropriated from other Defense funding.

And remember that hustler who started a “Go Fund Me” page to help pay for the Wall? He’s already bought a huge yacht with a chunk of the cash. Really!

No, that isn’t me laughing my ass off. Must be somebody else.

The Girl Who Struck Out Both Ruth And Gehrig

Friday, May 24th, 2019

Back to back! What?

On April 2, 1931, in Chattanooga, Tennessee, the New York Yankees played an exhibition game against their AA  minor club team the ‘Lookouts.’  Its pitcher was 17-year-old Jackie Mitchell, a woman in an almost exclusively-male dominated sport.

After the team’s first pitcher let a few Yankees on base, the Lookout’s coach sent Jackie to the mound with her odd, left-handed, sidearm delivery.  Her first batter?  The ‘Sultan of Swing’ himself, Babe Ruth. The Babe swung mightily  and missed twice before taking a called third strike.  He then lambasted the umpire for the call and stalked away from the plate.

Lou Gehrig was up next and he didn’t look too happy.  The “Iron Horse” swung and missed three times, striking out on just three pitches stunning the crowd.  That was the Lookouts high point in the game.  They predictably were crushed by the Yankees 14-4.

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After the game, Ruth said, “I don’t know what’s going to happen if they begin to let women in baseball. Of course, they will never make good. Why? Because they are too delicate. It would kill them to play ball every day.”

What did Mitchell get for her triumph?  She was immediately banned from Major and Minor league baseball by Commissioner Landis.

Jackie Mitchell shaking hands with Ruth and Gehrig.

Were the strikeouts an “act” for the hometown crowd?  Most people don’t think so. Although Ruth led the league in home runs for his career, he was also known as the “Strikeout King,” topping the league in that category for 5-years*.  Gehrig just wasn’t a guy who fooled around much on the diamond. Neither took Jackie Mitchell seriously and her strange pitching style may have thrown them.

*Although Babe Ruth was a master of big hits, he wasn’t exactly known for his all-around baseball expertise.  Ty Cobb, often judged as the “best overall” player in the game, was jealous of the Bambino.  Once when asked to say something “good” about Ruth, Ty said, “Well, for a fat guy, he runs pretty good.”

The Patron Saint Of Fireworks

Tuesday, May 21st, 2019
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If you’re at a large fireworks display and something goes awry, Saint Barbara’s the one to call for protection.  In fact, it might be a good idea to pray to her before the show to avoid the rush.

In the 2nd century, Barbara was the daughter of a rich pagan named Dioscorus who kept her locked in a tower to keep her chaste for the marriage of his choice. But Barbara had other ideas.  She nixed Dad’s pick for Bachelor #1 and worse, she became a Christian.

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Her Father was not too pleased with this nonsense and drew his sword to kill her.  Miraculously the tower wall opened and Barbara was transported to a mountain gorge filled with sheep and two sheperds.  One of the sheperds turned her back over to her Father and immediately came to a bad end. He turned to stone and his flock became a swarm of locusts. (Try selling those at the Sheep Fair!)

Barbara’s Father dragged her before the prefect of the province, Martinianus, who had her cruelly tortured and condemned to death by beheading. Since her Father was still pissed off, he got to lop off her head himself!  However, as punishment for executing his own daughter, (here come the fireworks) he was struck by lightning on the way home and his body was consumed by flames. It’s said Barbara’s tomb became the site of explosive miracles. Really.

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List of Patron Saints:  https://en.wikipedia.org/

“One Small Step For Propaganda”

Monday, May 13th, 2019
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Neil Armstrong, was the first American astronaut to walk on the moon in 1969. I can never think of him without thinking of government quotation manipulation.

As he stepped to the lunar surface, Armstrong was supposed to say “This is one small step for A man (meaning him), one giant leap for mankind.” What he actually said was “This is one small step for . . . man, one giant leap for mankind”.  This makes the quote almost meaningless because without the  modifier “A”, the words ‘man’ and ‘mankind’ mean pretty much the same thing.

OK – no big deal – except when the NASA public relations department started lying about it. “Of course he said “A man”, they shrieked, “listen to the tape!”  People listened – and there wasn’t an ‘A’ to be heard for 240,000 miles of space.

The mainstream media and respected historical sources, often propaganda arms of the government, printed the quote with the ‘A’ intact! Examples: Time Magazine, the Encyclopedia Britannica, and Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations.

Again, no big deal. The problem comes when the American people believe without question other government quotes like “We have to protect America by building a wall and banning Muslims.”