Betty Cooper and Veronica Lodge, both rumored to be girlfriends of Archie Andrews, the red-haired, wholesome 65-year old Riverdale High School student, will actually marry each other in Los Angeles next month. It’s a story that’s sure to shock comic book readers of all ages, most of whom believed Archie would marry one of his “Arch-rivals”. Ms. Lodge made the announcement in front of a rack of flannel shirts in a Modesto, California Sears store with the blushing Betty Cooper at her side.

Speaking out of the side of her mouth with a non-filter cigarette on the other side, Ms. Lodge said, “Yah, I figured I’d make an honest woman out of her. I’m sick of the fact the FBA keeps getting more fingerprints than the FBI!”

When asked what ‘FBA’ stood for, the burley Veronica snarled, “Freaken’ Betty’s Ass”. The couple plan to marry on June 15th, the anniversary of  the marriage of the late J. Edgar Hoover and Clyde Tolson, Former Director and Mrs. Director of the FBI.

Archie Andrews appeared shocked at the news. When asked if he ever “got any – on the side?” from Ms. Lodge, Mr. Andrews said, “I haven’t gotten any in so long, I didn’t even know they moved it.”


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11 Responses to “BETTY & VERONICA TO WED!”

  1. Brenda says:

    Very funny Paolo! Not sure if you remember this from a different blog, but my car radio is broke and I only get A.M. stations. Well, when I was out for lunch today, I had it on 1180 (I think) and you know who, ROF (Rush of Flatulance) was on. I just want you to know that he officially resigned as the “titular head of the republican party today.” In the five minutes I gave him to say something relevant he must have said the word “tit”ular 20 times. That is no exageration. He must have had something on his mind. Either that or he was remembering what a giant boob he is. Man, static never sounded so good!!!

  2. Frank Paolo says:

    Oh well. He’ll be back. For now, let’s just make the breast of it.

  3. Steve says:

    Can’t we just send Limbo and Glenn beck to an island somewhere and leave them stranded there…forever? Rush could call Beck “WILSON!!!”
    Although, a deflated soccer ball is still brighter than ol’ Glen.

    If we could do that, I think those would be my first two to send. Then Palin, Romney, HUck’, John Boehner, Newt, O’Reilly, Bachman, the cast of FOX and Friends…

  4. Steve says:

    I’d love to see your take (in essay form, no less than 250 words: – ) on this whole “fear” thing this country seems to almost want to cling to. In one breath, people in this country will say we’re the biggest and baddest, and then whine about how we have to be afraid of just about everything, and we need someone to protect us (Oh, who will protect us…we need a hero). It’s almost like we WANT and look for things to be afraid of.
    Imagine a person who practically lives in a constant state of alert and fear (paranoid) and how that elevated state afffects their mind and health…now project that on to a whole country.
    Anyway, I’d love to read your take…
    and it will count as 50% of your final grade, with no make-up exams : – )
    Watching Bloomberg go on about the NYC plot they allegedly uncovered made me think of this…(I also question the timing).

  5. Brenda says:

    Fear is a natural human emotion. Fear isn’t necessarily a bad thing because it can make people pause to think things out more clearly. Many people also perform better under such pressure. It is when people like Cheney take fear and use as a weapon or means of control against their own people that it becomes a problem. Isn’t that tactic more in line with terrorism?

    People fear the most when they have the most to lose. However, everyday we subscribe to this fear propaganda is a day closer we are to losing what makes us American. Don’t take me for a “Rah, Rah America” “U.S.A. is the best” type. I do love being American and I would never want to be anything else. However, I am not blind to our faults and I think the rest of the world has as much to offer us as we do them. Anyway, I digress.

    Growing up I was taught the only way to conquer your fear is to face it which is definitely not a new concept. Now I don’t have all the answers about how to confront the fear of terrorists, etc. However, I don’t believe propogating this fear to the public qualifies. I guess on a personal level I make a conscious effort not to be suspicious of every Arab-looking individual I see. I make a point of getting angry (inwardly anyway) every time I have to walk through a metal detector or show 6 forms of ID. I certainly don’t want myself or any Americans to die in another terrorist attack, but there has to be a better way to fight back then giving up our freedom out of fear.

  6. Frank Paolo says:

    Steve, I’ll be thinking about that assignment.

    Everyone: There have been a few references to Rush Limbaugh here.
    My take on it appeared as: “Rush of Flatulence” on January 22, 2009.
    Here’s the page address:

  7. Joe Belle-Isle says:

    Brenda your first paragraph is kind of a re-write of a statement made by Goering on how to take control of a country. The way the Nazi’s did Germany.
    Also i suspect Frank and I and many reading were raised to think jumping under our desks would help if Russia nuked us. I went to Lourdes till 3rd grade then Brighton Elementary and the teachers there kept going on and on about a gas main explosion on the block next to the school and how terrified they were. Not afraid of the gas main explosion that could level a city block, but a bomb that never was dropped.

  8. Joe Belle-Isle says:

    They moved it??!! Dang, well that explains that. The next time the Mrs tells me the older I get the shorter it gets, I’m gonna be a little better informed, and tel HER to put it back where it was.

  9. Frank Paolo says:

    Tuesday and Wednesday! Where’s my ass?!? Help me find it!! I laughed it off over JB-I’s last comment……………………..

  10. Hello, you used to write excellent, but the last few posts have been kinda boring… I miss your great writings. Past few posts are just a little out of track! come on!

  11. You are my inspiration, I have few web logs and sometimes run out from brand :). “He who controls the past commands the future. He who commands the future conquers the past.” by George Orwell.

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