A Great Dining Experience…for Ants and Flies


A woman asked me out for a picnic. She doesn’t know me very well.

“A what?”

“A picnic.”

“Why would I want to go on a picnic?”

“C’mon! It’ll be fun.”

Now in my mind, I have priority lists of things that are fun – most of them are legal. “Picnic” does not even make my “So You’re Still In a Coma?” fun list.

“Well it might be fun for the ants and flies – but I just never “got” picnics,” I said.

“Lots of people go on picnics,”, she said.

“Look,” I said, “do you know how many thousands of years it took for humans to go from rock caves to Levittown?”

“What’s a Levittown?” she asked.

“I mean picnics are held OUTSIDE, right?”

Her eyes narrowed – she wasn’t going to get trapped on this one. “So?”, she said.

“The outside is where they keep the ants, flies, mosquitoes, wind, rain, and dirt – right?”

“I’m going,” she said, getting up. I hadn’t even realized our ‘relationship’ had risen to this level of dementia.

“Where are you going?”, I said.

“Out. To the doctor’s – the dentist’s – fill in whatever excuse you want.” And she left.

TBD – (right). I wonder if the “Orange Woman” likes older men who don’t like picnics?


4 Responses to “A Great Dining Experience…for Ants and Flies”

  1. Joe Belle-Isle says:

    That’s a GREAT idea Frank. This fall lets all get together for a picnic!!!!

  2. Steve says:

    I don’t mind picnics, I don’t necesarily like them…usually, you have to nail everything down or it blows away, or place a giant dirty rock on it…(“There go the paper plates”) but it is funny that when people eat inside, if there were flies or bee or mosquitos flying around, they’d have a fit…
    “Hey, I know, let’s take our food to where THEY are” : – )

  3. amy stahl says:

    My Dad’s response to the sandy beach is “People pay for that.”

  4. Joseph Belle-Isle says:

    Actually I am 100% with Frank on this one. Boy have I been suckerred in on couple of picnics given by an organization I love and have got great things from- like jobs every year or two. But when I get to the picnic it turns into a political rally and some guy I can’t vote for anyway because I had to drive 40 miles to get to the picnic talks about stuff I don’t care about.. Flys, wind, heat or rain or hot rain and a politician. Oh boy. But Mom and Dad’s generation (Born in 1906 and 1909) HAD to have a picnic table and use it on Memorial day.) But I had dinner at girls dad’s farmhouse way up, just south of the eastern end of lake Ontario. And they put a pen for the animals up next to the house where the horseys or piggys would walk around knee deep in CRAP and mud. While we were eating they no longer noticed the dimming of the sunlight caused by a thousand flys trying to get through the screens on the windows.

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