Archive for April, 2021

Friday, April 30th, 2021

“I Am Fine”

Friday, April 30th, 2021

Tuffy the Cat and I live alone. I rarely go out nor speak to many people on the phone. That’s why I was concerned when I thought, “Who would know if I dropped dead on the floor? Who would feed Tuffy?”

That’s when I discovered “I Am Fine,” an automated, computer call-in service. Every day at precisely 8:00 AM, the phone rings and a recorded voice says, “Hello, Frank. If you’re OK, please press #1. Thank you.” And that’s it.

Now if I DIDN’T pick up, the service would call back every 1/2 hour and check on me for about 2-hours. If I STILL didn’t pick up, a rep from the company would call the 1st person on my ‘Emergency Call’ list. She would say, “Frank hasn’t checked in with us today. Would you please see if he’s alright and call us back?”

In that case, my first emergency contact would take the elevator to my floor and knock on my door.

The service is relatively inexpensive at about 35-cents per day. That’s REALLY cheap for Tuffy’s safety!

I Think Anyone Who Lives Alone With A Pet Should Consider This Idea.


Thursday, April 29th, 2021


Full Moon Right Now

Monday, April 26th, 2021

8:15 pm

Full Moon

Monday, April 26th, 2021

Pink Super Moon TONIGHT in a Sky Near You!

Bless Me Father For I Have Sneezed

Sunday, April 25th, 2021
I could skip the confession but I'd love that shirt back.

I could skip the confession but I’d love that shirt back.

“Bless me Father for I have sinned. Uh, maybe we’d better start on the small ones first. I’ve had some bad thoughts since my last confession. I’d kinda like to go in reverse, chronological order here – is that OK, Father? Thanks.

I got on the elevator this morning with a big basket of laundry and the bottle of detergent teetering on top. I hate doing laundry so I’m not in a real great mood anyway. The laundry and I are taking an elevator ride down to the ‘machines ‘o wash’ when we stop at one of the nether floors and this doofy guy gets in. He looks at me, then down at my laundry and soap, then back at me and says, “Gonna do laundry?” Now Father, I know ‘God works in mysterious ways’ – why he would put GOAT BRAINS in anyone’s head is beyond me.

And right away some wise-ass answers popped into my head. I was tempted (and may I have the confession transcript underline the word ‘tempted’ here? Thanks, Father.) I was tempted to say, “Nah, the dirty shirts and shorts were getting bored in the closet so I thought I’d take them for a walk in the park.” Or, “Noooo. It’s my birthday and my dirty clothes are bringing me down to the lounge for cake and soda.”

But I fought it, Father! I think that should be noted here. What I did was, I tried to copy the nitwit’s dumb smile, nodded my head, and then said, “Heh, heh. Yup – laundry.” He nodded back in profound understanding.

So Father, I know mean, sarcastic thoughts are a sin – a venal sin, I might add. But since I fought them back and rolled around on this guy’s level, I think we could drop it down to a ‘Venal – 3rd-Degree ‘ – is that OK, Father? Maybe even ‘Venal -4th’ with an extra ‘Hail Mary’ on top…. OK, Father?…… Father?”

Catholics and confession:


I Hate Whiners …

Saturday, April 24th, 2021

… I always did. And now, six months after the election, disgraced EX-President Asswipe is STILL whining about how it was stolen from him!

Many courts have looked at this and said it was a fair and honest election.


April 24, 2021

Saturday, April 24th, 2021


Friday, April 23rd, 2021

Earth Day My Ass

Thursday, April 22nd, 2021

Rainforest? Pave it – make it a parking lot!

My liberal friends hate it when I say I really don’t give a damn about Earth Day.  The roots of my apathy go back over 45-years.

In 1970, the Anti-Vietnam War movement began to lose momentum. People were discouraged because that “win-less” war continued despite our best protests.

And then came Earth Day – and everyone had a NEW CAUSE – Environmentalism. The trendies quickly embraced goals which were ridiculously futuristic and too easy. After all, who was “for” pollution and against the earth? We anti-war demonstrators were booed, gassed, clubbed, arrested, and beaten. We were called commies and traitors.

No one spit on or hated tree-hugging, dolphin-kissing, dirt-worshipping earth lovers. As a cause, environmentalism was as good and clean as it got. 

Worse? It reverently centered on the Future! Our Future.  Our Kids’ Future.  Our Planet’s Future. Ah, the Future – 100 years, 500 years, 10- centuries from now – alla God’s chillens gonna have clean air, pretty trees, and snail darting fish – in the Future.

The only problem is what about NOW?! Right now we have piles of bodies from the ravages of wars, hunger, disease, and poverty. 40,000 people – mostly children – unnecessarily dropping dead EVERY SINGLE DAY!  How green will they be in 500 years? Shall we put them in blue recycling boxes or just dump them in the landfills of history?


You probably won’t read more about starving children here. But make sure you wear a green shirt today.


Waterfalls are so much prettier than starving children.