Archive for November 26th, 2020

Thanksgiving Is A Turkey

Thursday, November 26th, 2020
“We’ll trade you that drumstick for 1000-chips at your new casino.”

Ah, Thanksgiving – the Great American Pig-Out. A holiday devoted to unabashed gluttony. Which is kind of funny in America.

Why a nation founded by  Puritans, Pilgrims, and Prigs would choose one of the SEVEN DEADLY SINS as a way to celebrate is a little strange. Also, turkeys are a meat entree no one would choose if the menu included steaks, chops, and shrimp. Tradition always demands unthinking, repetitive rituals which prohibit creativity and originality.

So I came up with an idea to make us appear less mindlessly traditional and hypocritical.

For a national holiday, maybe we could change it up a bit featuring a different deadly sin every year. I went through the list of the others – greed, sloth, wrath, lust, envy, and pride – and I have a personal favorite for next year’s star sin:

… Lust!

Lust has kind of a bad reputation in America but that’s why it needs a national holiday.  How would we celebrate it?  The possibilities are endless but I haven’t worked out all the details yet.

Next year on Thanksgiving would you rather be hungry – or horny?  Wait! This is America – let’s celebrate both!

10-non-traditional ways to celebrate:

I had the BEST Thanksgiving EVER …

Thursday, November 26th, 2020

… when I was 22- and living in Manhattan. My gal-pal, Celeste, was a MAW (Model, Actress, Whatever) – heart-pounding beautiful, funny, and a vegan. She cooked me a Thanksgiving dinner featuring tofu turkey. It was terrible.

Celeste and I spent the whole afternoon in bed, smoking weed, drinking wine, and watching “King Kong” on TV. We especially appreciated the Empire State Building scene filmed just a few blocks from where we laid.

I thought my life could never get any better than it was at that very moment.

I was right.