Archive for June, 2020

From Our Vets:

Tuesday, June 30th, 2020

Showing Up At A Party In The Same Dress!

Monday, June 29th, 2020

Clit’s Embarrassing!

Right-Wing Religious Wackos …

Monday, June 29th, 2020

… are not as much against abortion as they are against having consenting adults enjoying sexual relations without their permission.

“OOOH THE BABIES ARE BEING MURDERED!!! they scream.

Horseshit!

Do you want to end unwanted pregnancies? Provide extensive sex education starting in grade school (not just organ recitals) and free, easily-available, birth control devices to anyone who asks for them.

And then, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I’ve written about this many times over 13-years. Here’s one post from years ago:

More? Just type ‘abortion’ into my blog’s Search box.

No Minimum IQ!

Monday, June 29th, 2020

etc.

Sunday, June 28th, 2020
Your thing is breathing?

+ r a m p i n’ it up +

Saturday, June 27th, 2020

Only 50/50 He’ll Run Again

Friday, June 26th, 2020

https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-moves-to-kill-obamacare-on-same-day-us-hits-new-covid-19-infection-record

A Fire In The Belly

Friday, June 26th, 2020


When I was about seven, I lived in a small town and made  my career choice based on a carnival.  Every July, a traveling troupe would roll into our town’s small park. There were a few trailers driven by shady carnies with black grease under their nails, some game booths, ripped tents, and a little portable stage for the “acts”.

Today these acts would not even be popular in the cardboard box villages of the homeless – but for kids in Hicksville, USA – they were fantastic!  Our favorite was the Fire Eater.  When this guy took off his shirt (he was also the Strongman), threw his head back, and shoved down a long, flaming sword, the crowd went nuts!  I immediately decided that’s what I wanted to be in life – a Fire Eater!

Now, as an older man, I see there are a few disadvantages in that particular line of work.  But as a kid, I went to the library and read all sorts of books and magazine on the subject.  In one I remember the “worst” thing about fire eating in those days: rehearsing with lit, oily rags tied with wire around swords – and becoming complacent about it.

If you got too cocky and didn’t tie the wire tightly,  part of the burning rag would slip off the sword, slide down your throat, and land – still burning!  And I remember what the guy said about that unhappy experience: the fire would go out after a few seconds – but it was a looong few seconds.

Today, over a half-century later, I still remember that man’s words.  If something’s not going well in a day,  I say to myself, “Well, at least I didn’t become a damn Fire Eater.”

Fire Eaters:  https://www.google.com/

Nobody Watches Ronald Pee

Thursday, June 25th, 2020

I learned a lot about perception, reality, and life on a beautiful May afternoon in Hudson, New York in the early ’70s. It was my first job as an Account Executive for an Upstate New York McDonalds’ advertising agency.  I was 23. One of my duties was to manage Ronald McDonald appearances.

Now here’s a big secret up front. There’s more than one Ronald McDonald; actually, there are many Ronalds.  Regional “Ronalds” looked alike, had various “talents” – like juggling Big  Mac boxes –  and their own unique personalities.

“My” Ronald was an old magician who was cranky and didn’t like kids very much. But for some odd reason, he liked me – and I liked him. And I loved the fact Ronald McDonald appearances were so bizarre, they were like LSD trips without drugs. Ronald was the world’s most famous clown – with a lousy attitude.

On that first appearance, I drove Ronald in full costume to McDonalds with a cigarette dangling from his mouth. When we arrived, he told me to pull up to the side entrance and guard the bathroom.

Seeing my puzzled look, he said, “Look, you go in first, clear everyone out, then go outside and guard the door.  Shit, kids can’t see Ronald taking a leak!”

Soon I saw two junior high punks walking towards me and the bathroom door. The larger delinquent spoke first.

“We gotta use the bathroom.”

“You can’t use the bathroom right now. Ronald McDonald is using it,” I said with a straight face.

The punks looked at each other and burst out laughing. They obviously weren’t there for the appearance.

“Ronald McDonald is really in there pissing?” one sarcastically asked.

“Hey guys,” I said, “I don’t know what he’s doing in there. But you can’t go in until he comes out.” Of course this produced more loud laughter.

Suddenly the men’s room door burst open and there stood “Ronald” immediately taking in the situation.  He put his hands on his hips.

“Oooh Ronald,”one laughed, “why can’t we see you pee?”

And then in a voice cracked by more than 60-years of cigarettes and alcohol, my Ronald growled, “Because, you little bastards, I’ve got a schlong that’s this long (here he put his hands about a foot apart) and it would just scare the shit out of ya!” With that he turned and started clumping towards the McDonald’s entrance in his size 22 clown shoes.

The punks and I stared at each other in silence. After a second or two, I rushed to catch up to the world’s most famous clown.

***

Sure.

Wednesday, June 24th, 2020

To SJppp@: I’ll stop calling President Asswipe ‘President Asswipe,’ as soon as he stops calling other people names.

Why should I be held to a higher standard than the President of the United States?