Archive for May 25th, 2020

Been There …

Monday, May 25th, 2020

Monday, May 25th, 2020

Thank A Grill This Weekend

Monday, May 25th, 2020

Are you having a cookout this weekend? Many Americans do because it’s a tradition – and you “do” traditions whether you want to or not. 

The husband (usually) drags out the Weber grill, fills it with old charcoal (vintage: Memorial Day, 2018), dumps on too much lighter fluid (a definite lack of creativity naming this product), lights it, and then jumps back from the 2-foot flames.

“I’ll be ready for those burgers in about 10-minutes!” he shouts to his eye-rolling wife who is just thankful he didn’t set the house on fire. Then Dad grabs another beer – his fourth. The kids groan when they see a backyard inferno like they haven’t seen since the newscasts of the California wildfires. Ahh, charred rawhide for dinner again this year. The charcoal briquettes might be easier to eat.

“MOM! Can we go to McDonalds?”

”No!” she yells back. “We’re a family – and families cook and eat outdoors together on Memorial Day. It’s important to your Father.”

Louder groans. “Why?” one yells.

“God friggin’ knows…,” she thinks as she scoops salads onto serving plates from plastic containers bought at the supermarket.

“Go set the table! Use the paper plates and plastic silverware.” More groans. Even before the kids find the long lost picnic supplies, the wind picks up and a new species of aggressive fly is attracted to the smell of burning meat. Finally the family is seated. Paper plates are held down by mayonnaisey salads and one hand – as the other tries to shoo away the unrelenting pests.

And despite the fact that everything on the grill is now uniformly burnt to a crispy black, and everyone is miserable, Dad asks the punch line question, “How would you like your burger?”

Cookout tips:  https://www.google.com/

Tweety Asswipe …

Monday, May 25th, 2020

Pathetic President Asswipe went a little crazier this weekend by tweeting about Nancy Pelosi’s dentures and Leslie Abram’s size. Gosh he was upset!

Maybe it’s because he’s hurtling down in the polls … or because I mentioned his family practiced INCEST and BEASTIALITY!

Oh wait – I was just kidding!