Archive for March 12th, 2020

Limbo – Not Quite Heaven – Not Quite Hell

Thursday, March 12th, 2020
There are few pictures of Limbo (the place) so here’s Limbo – (the dance.)

Limbo was a confusing place for young Catholic kids. It was neither Heaven (Bingo!) nor Hell (“Where the everlasting fire will forever burn every part of your little, sinning bodies… especially … blahblahblah”).

And it wasn’t Purgatory where you got to work off your sins for a back door entry into Heaven (helped along by some relatives who lit candles and sent care-prayers – “THANK YOU, AUNT CARMELLA!”).

No, Limbo was just a little far off place known as “God’s Warehouse.”  It was for unbaptized babies, people who had very, very low IQ’s, and other religious rejects who were not able to make healthy church choices.


Clara Limbo

Once it was explained to me this way: “Say you went to confession on Saturday afternoon and went out with a hot lady Saturday night. You and the lady went waaay too far and then you were both killed in a car crash before Sunday Communion.  So where is God gonna send you?  Right – Limbo!”


Rush Limbo

Limbo certainly wasn’t for Protestants  who had their chance to be Catholic –  but picked the wrong horse.  Limbo was like a low-rent housing project on a dead end eternal highway where you didn’t get a golden trumpet, you got a plastic kazoo.


Ann Coulter in Bimbo Limbo

Then along came Vatican II in the early 1960’s and LIMBO was ABOLISHED!  Say what? Gone? No big loss except where did they send the Limboites who weren’t welcome anywhere else before? And wouldn’t you be a little resentful if a group of religious men in atrocious costumes made your home disappear?  I would be.


Limb-Bow and Arrows

I often think about the Limboites and wonder where they ended up.  Maybe they sent them all here to America disguised as Mexican rapists and murderers only trumpets can see.  I know I’m not good at figuring out the mysteries of the universe – but do you have a better idea?