Archive for February 14th, 2020

Today Is VD Day

Friday, February 14th, 2020

You forgot again, didn’t you doofus?

 Valentines Day is here and you’re brokenhearted sitting by the TV with an empty beer can hoping another 1/2 of the Superbowl is coming on.  It isn’t.

So here’s what you do: get your sorry ass off the couch and roll over to the computer.  Order a ‘Boyfriend Pillow’ with overnight shipping.  Pretend to watch for the mailman. When he comes, madly look through your junk mail, and then start crying loudly.

When the missus runs over, explain you bought her the BEST Valentines gift – but it didn’t come.  She’ll immediately call you a “lying bastard” at which point you run out of the house and spend the night on a buddy’s couch.

Time your return home for minutes after the mailman delivers the big box.  When she opens it, tell her you want to cuddle her all night – every night forever. She’ll either get all teary eyed or call you an asshole.

Hey, at least you didn’t forget Valentines Day.


Boyfriend pillows:

Hoda Kotb Said On National TV …

Friday, February 14th, 2020

I Didn’t Even Know She Had A Plane!