Archive for January 22nd, 2019

Tuesday, January 22nd, 2019

(Washington) John Boccaci, owner and manager of the The Clique Bowling Alley, announced today that the White House asked him if they could hold the ‘State of the Union’ speech at his establishment next Tuesday evening.

“Holy F-ing shit!” Boccaci exclaimed, “Imagine! The President speaking right here – at my joint!”

“I told them, ‘That’s cool but they all have to clear out of here by 10:00 pm. That’s when we have “Sox and Box Night” – Ladies-only bowling in their socks without a shoe rental fee!”

“It’s gonna be great!” Mr. Boccaci said.

The White House has declined comment.

Missing Link Discovered? Adam & Eve Sue

Tuesday, January 22nd, 2019

Adam & Eve Family Threatens Lawsuit

(ETHIOPIA)  47-million year old quirki twerkylios nicknamed “Cutie” (from the initials QT) may end forever the eternal debate of creation vs. evolution in religion and science. The fossilized skeleton was discovered under a rock piano deep inside an ancient dive, a bone-like cigar still in her mouth.

Immediately descendants of Adam and Eve promised legal action against the anthropologists for “misrepresentation,” and “using pseudo science to curtail our freedom of pseudo-religion.”

I’m so tired of hearing the eternal debate over ‘evolution vs. creationism,’ I’m about to go to the zoo and boo the monkeys.  Really – WTF cares?

When I was in the 5th or 6th grade, I tried to derail the boring religious education class we were forced to attend with a discussion about evolution.  The nun stopped me mid-sentence …

“Look, we (I assume she meant Catholics) don’t care if life was from something that crawled out of the slime or some monkey’s uncle.  Whatever it was, God started life – and that’s all there is to that.”

Missing link discovered?