Archive for September, 2017

10-Years Ago …

Thursday, September 28th, 2017

… I weighed 35-pounds more than I weigh today.  My friend Colleen and I had some memorable capers.  No further details will become available about this one.

Right-Wing Wacko Wins Alabama Primary

Wednesday, September 27th, 2017

Last night, Roy Moore won the Republican primary in Alabama for Jeff Session’s old Senate seat.  Of course this is Alabama whose state motto is, “Thank God for Mississippi!”

Creepy Commercials

Wednesday, September 27th, 2017

Creepiest TV Commercials:


How Are Those Tax Returns Coming, Asswipe?

Wednesday, September 27th, 2017

Unforgettable Fashion Statements

Wednesday, September 27th, 2017


Wendy O. Williams, with whom I went to High School in Webster, New York (She broke more than hearts!)




Taste That Beats The Others Warm

Wednesday, September 27th, 2017

India is the world’s largest democracy. Indians don’t eat what Westerners eat (beef) – and we don’t drink what some Indians drink: a soft drink made from cow urine. Cows are sacred and honored in India even, apparently, their liquid waste fluids.

This bovine brew is being developed by the Cow Protection Department of the RSS, India’s largest and oldest Hindu nationalist group. (See what happens when unions get out of control?) Hindus have been pushing the health benefits of drinking Bossie’s “other wet drink” for thousands of years.

Om Prakash, the head of CPD, said the drink – called “gau jal,” or “cow water” – in Sanskrit – “won’t smell like urine and will be tasty too. It will not be carbonated and it will be devoid of any toxins.” Right.

Now, I’m no expert on cow piss but I would guess the whole thing is pretty toxic and if you take out the toxins, really – what’s the point? Well, of course, there’s another point – Hindus believe their country is going to hell because of Western cultural influences best symbolized by Coca Cola. And gau jal just might be what the yogi ordered to stem the flow (so to speak).

I think the whole thing is udderly ridiculous – but what a pisser! And if you want to try it?  Urine good company.

Indians who drink cow urine:

NASCAR: Whitest Sport Since Figure Skating

Tuesday, September 26th, 2017

The “whitest” sport:

Can’t Stem The Flo

Tuesday, September 26th, 2017

I think “Flo”, the Progressive Insurance spokeswoman, is funny and hot.  She’s played by actress-comedian Stephanie Courtney and there’s just something about her.

Flo is recognized by her exuberant personality, her excited and overly-sincere quest to please customers, her pre-hippy ‘60’s makeup and dumb hair. The makeup alone takes hours to apply.  She’s now done over 50 Progressive commercials and has a huge fan base.

“Flo could be one of my improv characters”, says Ms. Courtney, “always on and sort of cracked in a weird way.”

I think she kicks that annoying lizard’s ass!


There IS Someone For Everyone!

Tuesday, September 26th, 2017

Remember Paul Karason, the 59-year old man from Oregon who turned Blue? He had a bad case of bad skin (although I now suspect that may have been the least of his worries). For a cure, he started drinking colloidal silver. Where he got this idea is unclear but one suspects it was not recommended by the FDA.

Mr. Karason persistently drank his potion for over 10-years turning a deep shade of blue. I probably would have asked him to stop at a powder blue – but he probably wouldn’t have listened. Also, there wasn’t a Mrs. Karason around because who wants a spouse who’s always blue?

Anyway, I’ve thought of Mr. K. quite often since I saw the story. He continued to drink colloidal silver and I continued to worry about him finding a soulmate – until yesterday.

Yesterday I read about a young woman who wanted to be Orange.  This lady, (let’s call her “O”) read that humans can turn orange if they eat excessive amounts of carotene. So “O” immediately started eating carrots ONLY – for 30-days. And, yes, she DID turn orange!

Now no one (except me) has suggested these two might consider a romantic liaison – but why not!? They certainly have enough in common to color each other’s world. So what’s the problem? Children?

Well I’ve played with a color chart  based on my extensive knowledge of genetics. The skin color with which I came up is kind of a brownish-mauve – not a bad color for kids. Maybe after a few generations, there would be a new mixed breed of people called Mauvottos.

Or, because I thought of the idea, I would be honored if the new offspring were called Paolottos.

Paul died a few years after this article was written.  No word on the romance.  Read more:

September 25, 2017

Monday, September 25th, 2017

Frank is not distracted.
Mueller’s Russian investigation is getting closer and closer to Asswipe. Asswipe wants you to argue about football protests instead of thinking about indictments and his failing Presidency.
But Frank is not distracted.
Be more like Frank.