Archive for January 3rd, 2017

I Promised Not To Say Anything About This …

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2017


They Keep Changing The Damn Handshake

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2017


I know I’m not real cool – but I do try to keep up.

When people start talking about new movies or TV shows, I just put on a happy face, smile, and nod. If they start telling me, in EXCRUCIATING DETAIL a character biography or plot line, I say “Don’t tell me too much, I want to see it myself!”

If the talk turns to sports (in which case I’m just about Jewish) I’ve learned to slowly shake a sad head and say, “Typical ______s.” Like, “Didja hear the Bills signed Joe Bagadonuts!?” I sadly shake my head and say, “Typical Bills.”

I have an EXTREMELY LOW threshold of interest in any contemporary cultural anything.  My friends call me the “Chairman of the Bored”. But I try to fit in. And I usually can until something new is tossed to me. Like different handshakes.

Until the late ‘60’s, handshakes were handshakes – everyone knew how to shake hands. Then the cool people started the “power” handshake – confusing all of us who weren’t cool. Today, anything goes – and usually goes right by me. I extend my hand and some young coolie lightly hits it with a fist – or holds up a hand for a ‘high-5’.

I used to think the ‘high 5’ nitwit was about to slap me – but I now know that’s what pro athletes do on TV if they happen to do anything except screw up badly. Yay! Congratulating ‘High 5’s’ all around if you ran a half-yard or passed your pee test!


At least all these screwy handshakes are better than hugs. I’m really not a hugger. You can hug me in public – but I’m not hugging you unless you’re over 80-years old.

Hug etiquette: