Archive for December, 2016

How Are Your Lobes?

Wednesday, December 28th, 2016

Do you have an ear lobe crease?  If you do, your chances of having a heart attack increase by 30 – 70% depending on which study you read.  Index finger longer than your ring finger?  Another bad sign.  Short legs too?  Buddy, you may not even get to watch the Super Bowl.

There are many body indicators that can predict heart attacks.  Scientists just don’t know why they do – and can’t agree on their significance.  That’s too bad because 50% of all deaths in Western countries come from heart attacks and associated diseases. And the first symptom of most heart attacks is also the last one: a heart attack that kills you.

So if you have any of these symptoms and want to live longer, you should probably eat less, exercise more, and give up smoking.  And if you don’t have any of the symptoms, you should probably do the exact same things.

UPDATE:  It doesn’t take much to amuse me (a necessity for writing – and reading – this blog) but I take great pleasure in the thought of  a few hundred people worldwide actually looking at their lobes or their fingers because of this post.  Call me superficial.  Thank you.

Earlobes and heart disease:


Tuesday, December 27th, 2016


You Don’t Have To Take Off Your Clothes

Tuesday, December 27th, 2016


WARNING: This post contains graphic descriptions of human sexuality.  It may not be suitable for parents.

Condoms are distributed on request in my city’s high schools.  They seem to be bringing down the rate of unwanted pregnancies and venereal diseases no matter how loudly the parents are screaming.

“My little Susie doesn’t do THAT!” Right.  I used to know little Susie and she did do that – plus a lot of other stuff.  These kids aren’t getting pregnant and STD’s from the Tooth Fairy.  It’s time we accepted reality and help them make better choices.

People believe we have sex education in schools but what we really have are organ recitals.  A clear list of choices (including abstinence and “How to Tell Your Boyfriend “No”) should be taught early. One of those choices should be outercourse.


Although definitions vary, outercourse is sex play without vaginal, anal, or oral penetration.  Outercourse can include hot talk, erotic fantasy, spicy role-plays, sensual massage, bathing together, mutual masturbation, and dry sex (aka: dry humping or frottage).

Outercourse is simple, convenient, and free and can satisfy both partners.  But the main advantages are there’s virtually no chance for unwanted pregnancies or diseases.  Skeptical?  Think kids will just slide into “home” without rounding first, second, and third “base”?  Maybe.  But until they learn there are many other exciting options, we’re going to continue to get what we’ve got which is tragic.


This Is Why I Prefer Showers Today

Tuesday, December 27th, 2016


What State Is Vaudeville In?

Tuesday, December 27th, 2016

“She’s been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.”

‘At the airport, I told the ticket lady, “Send one of my bags to New York and one to Los Angeles” She said, “We can’t do that!” I said, “Why?  You did it last week!”

“I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.”

“The more I think of you, the less I think of you.”

“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.”


The Only Part Of Your Body You Can’t Kiss

Tuesday, December 27th, 2016

Your elbows.

Can’t kiss your elbows:

Butanna-Mama And Her Bimbo-In-Training

Monday, December 26th, 2016


Sarah Burge is the British mom who calls herself the “Human Barbie.” She’s spent more than $800,000 on plastic surgery to transform herself into the absurdly-proportioned, iconic doll.  Now she wants her 8-year old daughter to follow in her Triple D Boob Cups.

Sarah, 51, gave her daughter Poppy an unusual gift for the girl’s 8th birthday:  a $12,000 plastic surgery gift voucher.  She hopes Poppy uses it for breast augmentation when she turns older.  Last Christmas she gave the girl a voucher for liposuction. Burge said she wants Poppy to be happy and grow up with confidence.


“I’m investing in my child’s future.”  Sarah says.

There are no plans yet on a future operation that will suck the brains out of Poppy’s head so she can be as stupid and superficial as her Mother.


Sarah Burge update:

Kiss Me You Tool

Monday, December 26th, 2016


Was Valentino gay?

Don’t Eat The Snapper

Monday, December 26th, 2016

The ultimate bait and switch swindle swims before it scams. The expensive tuna you buy is probably escolar – a white-fleshed fish in the snake mackerel family – and any similarities to real tuna are just the words on the label. Escolar makes some people sick – especially those who’ve paid $9.99/pound for tuna and get a pound of some anonymous fish worth about a buck.

The marine conservation group Oceana took fish DNA samples from restaurants, grocery stores, fish markets, and sushi bars in the New York City area.  Incredibly, close to half of the fish tested were not what they claimed to be. And in sushi bars, your chance of actually getting a piece of real tuna is roughly that of winning a lottery in Japan.

One of Oceana’s chief scientists, blamed some of the discrepancy on translation issues. She said that it was possible some Japanese-speaking sushi chefs may have believed that the proper phrase for the fish in question was “white tuna.”

Right.  And the fish Japanese whale trawlers kill are probably just goldfish.

Fish fraud:

Who Crossed Out: ‘I Am A Proud, Black Woman’?

Sunday, December 25th, 2016