Archive for May, 2016

Thank A Grill This Weekend

Sunday, May 29th, 2016

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Are you having a cookout this weekend? Many Americans do because it’s a tradition – and you “do” traditions whether you want to or not. 

The husband (usually) drags out the Weber grill, fills it with old charcoal (vintage: Memorial Day, 2012), dumps on too much lighter fluid (a definite lack of creativity naming this product), lights it, and then jumps back from the 2-foot flames.

“I’ll be ready for those burgers in about 10-minutes!” he shouts to his eye-rolling wife who is just thankful he didn’t set the house on fire. Then Dad grabs another beer – his fourth. The kids groan when they see a backyard inferno like they haven’t seen since the newscasts of the Calgary wildfires. Ahh, charred rawhide for dinner again this year. The charcoal briquettes might be easier to eat.

“MOM! Can we go to McDonalds?”

”No!” she yells back. “We’re a family – and families cook and eat outdoors together on Memorial Day. It’s important to your Father.”

Louder groans. “Why?” one yells.

“God friggin’ knows…,” she thinks as she scoops salads onto serving plates from plastic containers bought at the supermarket.

“Go set the table! Use the paper plates and plastic silverware.” More groans. Even before the kids find the long lost picnic supplies, the wind picks up and a new species of aggressive fly is attracted to the smell of burning meat. Finally the family is seated. Paper plates are held down by mayonnaisey salads and one hand – as the other tries to shoo away the unrelenting pests.

And despite the fact that everything on the grill is now uniformly burnt to a crispy black, and everyone is miserable, Dad asks the punch line question, “How would you like your burger?”

Cookout tips:  https://www.google.com/

You’re Probably Just Watching For Cars Now

Sunday, May 29th, 2016

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Ahhh, Sunday …

Sunday, May 29th, 2016

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Flattering Mirror Selfie

Sunday, May 29th, 2016

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Cruz Back Into The Corn

Sunday, May 29th, 2016

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“Fresh GIFs Made Daily”  http://hobolunchbox.tumblr.com/

Mitt Romney 2nd In The Unemployment Line

Saturday, May 28th, 2016

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This Ball-less Twit …

Saturday, May 28th, 2016

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… chickened out from his windbag challenge for a debate with Bernie Sanders. He would have been shucked like an ear of corn.

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Bernie asked, “What are you afraid of Mr. trump?”  I’ll be happy to answer: his ridiculous positions, stupid ideas, racist and sexist comments, paranoid conspiracy theories, and a bad hair day.  Bullies always back down when you stand up to them and donnie j just turned tail and ran sniveling lame excuses.  (Am I being too wishy-washy on this nitwit?)

Xchickentrump hashtag:  https://www.facebook.com/

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Friday, May 27th, 2016

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One of the technical companies which supports this blog told me I was old-fashioned; specifically: “The versions of PHP and My SQL ‘Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion’ uses are out of date. Everyone else is using later technologies.” 

I have no idea what they’re talking about but it sounds like I’m walking around in a Nehru suit with bellbottoms. Anyway, we’re trying to upgrade now and more posts will appear within a day or two.

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Well Then Put The Girls Away, Bimbo

Friday, May 27th, 2016

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She didn’t dress like this to go unnoticed!

A trend in women’s fashion is showing cleavage.  I think that’s fine (especially in summer) but women would be naïve to think that’s not going to get a guy’s ogling reaction.

I also believe a lot has to do with timing.  If a guy “checks them out” in less than a second and then looks into your eyes for the rest of the conversation, he should not be considered a knuckle-dragger. Of course if he talks TO your breasts the whole time, he’s not one of our more evolved brothers.  

SHOULD women be able to wear anything they want without worrying about men’s reactions?  Of course.  And you SHOULD be able to park your new convertible with the keys in the ignition on a city street.  Just don’t expect it to be there when you get back.

Staring at womens’ breasts:  https://www.google.com/

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The ‘j’ Stands For Joke

Thursday, May 26th, 2016

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Oh – I didn’t mean THAT – I meant not capitalizing his name is a joke.