Archive for August 23rd, 2015

‘Monday, Monday’ The Mamas & The Papas

Sunday, August 23rd, 2015

The Mama & The Papas:

Hawking Pope Francis’ US Visit

Sunday, August 23rd, 2015


Pope’s 2015 US Visit Merchandise:

I don’t have much of an opinion on the official souveniers being sold for Pope Francis’s visit here next month.  On one hand I can’t quite see Jesus telling his followers to buy his latest sweatshirts and bumper stickers.  But it’s a different age and we’ve come a long way since Catholics were pushing “Pope Soap on a Rope” for one papal visit.


Pope Soap On A Rope:

The thing I worry about most is the official gift we give to welcome Pope Francis.  People give a lot of crummy gifts to the Pope.  I wrote about it here:

Pretty Tough To Regift:

FINALLY, a few nights ago, I came up with the PERFECT gift from America.  No more chintzy pieces of ‘For-immediate-donation-or-trash’ shit that won’t last a day when he gets back to the Vatican.   This will be FANTASTIC.  The idea will shoot through the world media!  I’ll announce it in a few days.

Pope visit homepage:

CBS Censors ‘Freedom From Religion’ Ad

Sunday, August 23rd, 2015

And you thought this was America.

‘Marjoe’ (Mary and Joseph) 1972 Trailer

Sunday, August 23rd, 2015

Marjoe Gortner:

Marjoe preaching:  HELL IS A PLACE!


Sunday, August 23rd, 2015
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Religious symbols:

If You Don’t Trust Me With Your Damn Money

Sunday, August 23rd, 2015

“Then For God’s Sake Don’t Trust Me With Your Soul!”

The 1980’s was the Golden Age of silver-tongued television evangelists – and what a motley crew they were. There were healers and stealers and bottom-deck dealers. They came in a variety of flavors with two things in common: they were all “messengers of God” – and each tried to separate you  from as much of your money as he could –  in the shortest amount of television time possible.

“If your friends WON’T go to heaven with you – DON’T go to hell with them!”

Jimmy Swaggart (cousin of Jerry Lee Lewis) could sing, play beautiful piano, speak in tongues, and cry on cue. Even two different scandals with $10/hour hookers could not shake his followers’ faith. You can still see Jimmy on Sunday morning TV preaching, crying,  and stealing in the name of the Lord.

“Jim, the Lord let me get addicted to over-the-counter medication for a reason.”

Jim and Tammy Baker looked like a successful, Midwestern Amway couple. Smarmy Jim could oil the dollars out of your wallet with fantasies of luxurious rooms never built. The old joke about Tammy was they scraped away layers of her make-up and found Jimmy Hoffa. Their PTL (Praise the Lord) Club had thousands of members each buying timeshares in a kind of Disneyland for Christian adults – much of which existed only in Jim’s mind.


To me, the saddest one of the lot is Ernest Angely, a faith healer still on television today. He could perform “miracles” weekly which let the lame walk, the deaf  hear and the blind see. But unfortunately, he could never grow hair on his own head and sports a toupee that is so bad, it couldn’t be hurt by a chinstrap.

“I’m OUT of here!”

The scariest and strangest by far? Dr. Gene Scott, author of the title on top of this post. Scott looked an acted like an Old Testament holy man on steroids. While other TV preachers begged for money, Scott DEMANDED his faithful send in their tithes.

Often called “God’s Angriest Man”, Scott would rant and fill his blackboard with religious teachings in Latin, Hebrew, and Sanskrit. But he would often bellow, “Why aren’t those damn phones ringing with your measly bucks!? If you don’t pledge $600 in the next 10-minutes, I’m walking out of here! Find your own damn way to Heaven!”

And then he’d throw down his chalk, storm off the set, and for hours, all that was left was a close-up shot of his empty chair and a telephone number to call in your money. GODDAMN Gene Scott could put on one hell of a show!

Television evangelists: