Archive for May 3rd, 2015

Cougar vs. Cougar Hawk

Sunday, May 3rd, 2015


Cougar. Noun. A 35+ year old woman who is on the “hunt” for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen slinking along a swanky bar waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into any  innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path.

Best Cougar line: “I have this cramp near my lower back but I can’t quite get to it in this dress.”

Cougar Hawk. Noun. A gentleman of any age who preys on cougars. The man is very knowledgeable in the ways of the cougar and is actually the predator. He often uses his insight to work the cougar while working other ladies in the room.  This is often accomplished though faux-meaningful flirting and skillfully pretending to listen.

Best Cougar Hawk line: “You are much, much too young to be a cougar.”

 Famous cougars

Did A Man Marry The Holland Tunnel?

Sunday, May 3rd, 2015

Erika Eiffel always loved the tall silent type – but then she took her preference to the extreme and married the Eiffel Tower. After a small, ceremony with friends in Paris, Erika legally changed her name to Erika LaTour Eiffel.  There are no reports of how the marriage was consummated.

Erika is an “objectum sexual” – people who fall in love with inanimate objects. In a documentary entitled “The Woman Who Married the Eiffel Tower,” she is shown hugging her “husband” and telling him how much she loves him. The objects these women choose are often sexually symbolic.

The term “objectum sexual” was coined by a Swedish woman named Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, who married the Berlin Wall in the 1970s, according to the documentary. I’m no matchmaker but I would suggest this woman drop at least one hyphen and one name to find the man of her dreams.

There are no reports of men suffering from this psychological malady but I was always puzzled by the strange allure of an open manhole.

Would you like to view an ABC News story on this woman?

Attorney: “Police Did Nothing Wrong”

Sunday, May 3rd, 2015
Attorney Michael Davey, Asshole.

Attorney Michael Davey,  Asshole.

Why do people hate lawyers?  Certainly statements like that one at the height of the Freddie Gray murder case is one reason.  This horseshit was babbled by Michael Davey, union attorney for the six Baltimore police officers indicted for the crime. A legal vulture, Davey is talking  like that to be a hero to his clients in the law enforcement community.

Readers:  for a moment rise above the spins, the predjudices, the conflicting, confusing statements and focus on the facts that no one disputes:

Freddie Gray was a 25-year old man who was obviously healthy enough to run from the police. Within 1-hour of being in police custody, he had a crushed larynyx, a severed spinal cord, and went into a coma.  A week later he died.

Before a trial, we don’t know if this was intentional, accidental, a failure to follow the law and police procedures, or a combination of all of these.  But we do know the police did SOMETHING wrong or the guy wouldn’t be dead! Something tells me it wasn’t the first time.