Archive for January 10th, 2015

Hey Hayat: Kill Yourself!

Saturday, January 10th, 2015

hay

Really – save us all some time and trouble.  Save yourself cheers when your sorry ass is mowed down by police bullets.  You are now the most hated woman in the world.  Your boyfriend is already up in martyrville eating bacon pizza and doing the horizontal boogie with his 72-trophy virgins. He really doesn’t need you anymore.

Did you forget you’re a woman? Radical Islamists don’t think you’re worth two good goats!  Now that you’ve blown your cover (and probably half of al-Qaeda’s top leaders) you can’t get a new line of work. Neither “al-Qaeda Groupie” nor “Terrorist Murderer” looks good on resumes.

C’mon, Hayat – see how many pieces you can blow your brain into for Allah. Show some balls!

Hayat Boumediene:  https://www.google.com/

The Big Chill (1983) Trailer

Saturday, January 10th, 2015

The Big Chill:   https://www.google.com/

PMS Training

Saturday, January 10th, 2015

My vasectomy scars are singing!

Do vasectomies hurt?  https://www.google.com/

Men can’t catch PMS but they’re carriers.

You Go Girl!

Saturday, January 10th, 2015

An old friend is going to India and it’s not as easy as it sounds. Because she’ll be visiting rural provinces, she must use “squat toilets” – basically communal holes-in-the-ground with privacy (sometimes).

Worse – toilet paper is not used in many places across India.  You are left with refillable buckets of water and your own LEFT hand (this has some religious significance which I’ve already forgotten).  After you clean yourself, I’m not sure, but I doubt if a washroom attendant gives you a clean towel.  More likely it’s the old wash and wear routine.

This squatting and washing ritual can’t be easy.  But to make it even more difficult, my friend will be dressed in modest Indian garb which includes a long top, a long skirt, and a traditional, long head scarf. How she’ll keep all of this off the floor is a serious mystery.  Underwear is not even mentioned.

After ignoring my basic advice (“Stay home!”) I will now generously give her two alternative, “outside the box” (so to speak) solutions:

The first is pictured above – it’s called the “SheWee” and costs about $12.  Presumably it comes with instructions.

http://www.shewee.com/

My second solution is ballsey-er.  It’s learning how to pee like a man – without the equipment.  It’s said that God gave the choice to Adam and Eve of having multiple orgasms or peeing standing up.  Guess who got to pick first?  Here are the instructions:

http://www.wikihow.com/Urinate-Standing-Up-as-a-Female

To me the whole thing sounds like a pisser!