Archive for January 6th, 2015

Man Wins $500,000! Oh. Scratch That

Tuesday, January 6th, 2015
From winning to whining.

From winning to whining.

John Wines bought a scratch-off lottery ticket at a gas station in Roswell, New Mexico. He thought he hit the big one when he went to the gas station to get his money but they said there was a problem.

“I took it back in and she told me that is not a winner,” said Wines. “They told me that it was a misprint and they don’t pay off for misprints.”

After he contacted the New Mexico Lottery, he received this email: “We did find a flaw in that particular pack of tickets and it’s been reported to our printer. Thanks for bringing this to our attention. I did complete a reconstruction of your ticket and it was not a winner.”


Mr. Wines was pretty upset. His mood was not improved at all when the New Mexico Lottery offered him $100 in lottery tickets as a consolation prize.

 Lotteries are voluntary taxes for stupid people:

Mrs. Trott’s Dance Class

Tuesday, January 6th, 2015


Gay dance classes

Saving Virgin Hookers

Tuesday, January 6th, 2015


Did you ever wonder how Santa Claus got into the gift-giving business? Hagios Nikólaos, later known as Saint Nicholasis, was born in Turkey on March 15, 270 AD. Nik was a cool guy and felt sorry for three marriageble sisters he knew who were clock-stopping ugly. He also knew their poor father could never get up enough money to pay for the large dowries it would take to get them married off.

Unfortunately in the third century, unmarried women often had to turn to prostitution to support themselves if they couldn’t snag a husband.  Nik knew these babes would starve to death as hookers so one night he dropped three, small bags of gold down the father’s chimney.

Saint Nicholas has been the patron saint of prostitutes in the Catholic Church ever since.  True.

Patron saint of cooking grilled to death: