Archive for December, 2014

New In 1938

Saturday, December 27th, 2014


20th Century Limited:

Killing Yourself With Holiday Shopping?

Saturday, December 27th, 2014

Another Nut In The News

Friday, December 26th, 2014


A topless activist from the feminist group ‘Femen’ rushed the nativity scene in St Peter’s Square Christmas and snatched baby Jesus before being subdued by police.  The woman had ‘Woman Is God’ printed across her chest. Read more:  *** FEMEN RADICAL FEMINISTS:


Tie Died

Friday, December 26th, 2014

pt_194171-150x150Manhattan, 1972. Retail shopping CRUSH-week between Christmas and New Years and every New Yorker thought it his Constitutional Right to exchange every doofus clothing item he got for Christmas – or thought he got for Christmas – or got for Christmas around 1965.

I worked in Barneys, the World’s Largest Mens’ store and the cacophony of customer craziness was mind numbing. “Sir!”, “Sir!”, “Sir!”, “Pardon me, Sir!” “Sir!”, “Excuse me. May I get some service here?” “Sir!”,“Sir!”, “Sir!”,”Hey, Sir!” “Sir!”,“Sir!”,“Sir!”.

I think I can speak for the majority of the 1st Floor Sales Team when I say we hated them – hated every goddamn one of them who waved a crumbled Barney’s sales receipt at us. There were thousands of them – pushing, pleading, whining, yelling, DEMANDING!

(The 1st Floor Team had a little pool going to see which one of us would S-n-a-p! first. I was the odds-on favorite.  I was already demoted from sweaters to ties for being rude to customers.)

Working in the tie department was a nightmare! Barneys advertised that they had 100,000 different ties. I never counted them but I must have folded that many at least once a day. There were racks of ties – tables of ties – walls of ties – cases of ties – ties everywhere.

It was about 9:40 pm – 20-minutes until closing – and the crowd had gone. I was exhausted and not exactly in a chipper Barneys mood. I was just mindlessly folding ties on the counter – minding my own business – when this businessman walks over.

“Uh, Sir,” he says, “I don’t see the tie I want here.” SNN…..

I slowly and painfully looked up. “Mister, we carry over 100,000 ties. I’m sure it’s here somewhere.”

“Nope. I looked.” SNNNA….

“Well, Sir, if you looked and didn’t find it, we must not have it. I’m sorry.” And then I started refolding my pile of ties. “Would you GO AWAY,” I thought, “JUST GO AWAY!”

“Well do you have any more ties in the back?” SNNNAAAAAPPPPPPP!

The ties in the back? No – those are our really good ties. We save those for ourselves. We don’t even have to pay for them – and they’re great ties – but you can’t buy one. Sorry.”

“Are you being smart with me? I pay your salary, you know!”

“Really? Great. Can I have a raise?”

“I’d like to see your manager. NOW!”

“Oh sure, I’ll get him. He’s in the back with the good ties.”

I walked to the back of the store and kept on walking. The A-train stop was only half a block away. I never even bothered to go back for my paycheck.

Barneys, NYC:

Merry Christmas

Thursday, December 25th, 2014


Punishment Or Pleasure?

Wednesday, December 24th, 2014


Not just for the English anymore.

Sexual spanking:

Merry Christmyths

Wednesday, December 24th, 2014


Nah. Although I’m sure His reps on earth are happy to take gifts that day, no one actually knows when Christ was born – neither the date nor the year. Late December wasn’t even a contender until the 4th Century when holy men hooked it up with the Winter Solstice. The year? Many theologians put it between 4 and 6 – “BC”!


No. Nor you, your kids, nor your spouse. Poison centers are so overwhelmed with frantic calls around Christmas, many have ‘They’re Safe!’ ads on their web sites.


You may have felt you WANTED to kill yourself to escape holiday stress – but few people do. A 35-year study from a research group in Minnesota conclusively determined that there is no correlation between suicides and holidays.

Christmyth #4: THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS.

TRUE. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different.

Christmas myths:

Married – Now Having Cartoon Sex

Wednesday, December 24th, 2014

It’s now been 3-years since the Marriage Equality Act and life goes on here in New York. Despite dire predictions, not one person married his brother, his dog, nor himself.

A rather simple-minded person I know said, “How would people even know who’s gay if they didn’t tell us?”  He was getting a little paranoid because he thought a guy at his work might be looking at him “in the wrong way.”

I showed him the picture above and asked if the guy looked like one of these accountants.  He shook his head. “You’re safe then.” I said, “Most gay guys look like this and they walk around all day humming Judy Garland songs.”

Are you gay, bi, or straight?

Perfect Gift For Him – A Cashmere Sweater

Wednesday, December 24th, 2014

Planes, Trains, And Automobiles (1987) Trailer

Wednesday, December 24th, 2014

Great Holiday Film!