Archive for March 15th, 2014

Beware The Ides Of March

Saturday, March 15th, 2014

Many people consider today, March 15th, very unlucky. It certainly was for Julius Caesar whose life ended rather abruptly in 44 B.C.

A seer – someone who predicts the future – said great harm would come to Caesar before the end of the Ides of March.  On his way to the Pompeii Theater, Caesar again ran into the seer.

“Well, the Ides have come,” laughed the Emperor.

“Aye, Caesar,” the seer said. “but not gone.”

Within minutes, about 2-dozen Roman Senators pulled daggers from their togas and stabbed Caesar to death.

The incident was not the origination of the term “stabbed in the back.” nor the first toga party, nor the inspiration for the movie “Psycho.” The phrase “Beware the Ides of March” was originally coined by William Shakespeare many centuries later.

Erin Go Blah

Saturday, March 15th, 2014
Saint Patrick looking down for more snakes.

I can’t imagine anyone taking pride in something they didn’t accomplish themselves. Your ancestry is just an accident of birth and has little to do with who you are today. Proud to be Irish, Italian, Puerto Rican, American, or anything else – just doesn’t make sense to me.

So what are we celebrating today? Irish pride? Corned beef and cabbage? Potatoes before Atkins? (no wonder these people drink so much – their food sucks) Of course the Irish were discriminated against when they first came to America.  So was everyone else except the Pilgrims. And Indians have stories that’ll tear your heart out. But really, who cares?

So we gave the Irish some green stripes down the road, parades, and a 1-day license to be raging drunks . The Italians got  Columbus Day* and the Indians got casinos and no tax on cigarettes. The Blacks got Kwanzaa and the Jews got the whole garment district in New York. Everyone gets something – this is America – be happy. And if you can’t be happy with what you get, at least be thankful you don’t get what you deserve.

*Do Italians care about Columbus Day?  Click here.

My “Inner Child” Is A Slut

Saturday, March 15th, 2014


Can only women be sluts (or, as they call them in the Northwest, “lumber camp toys”)?  Are men sluts: studs, dogs, or just real, REAL lucky?

Is the term decided by numbers?  How many sex partners does it take to be a slut?  Are 10 enough? 100?  Does 200+ put you in the “Super Slut” category like Charlie – “I’m not a slut I just play one on television” – Sheen?  What about fantasies?  Can you think yourself to slutdom? Do all sex partners count equally?  Is a blowjob in the mens room equal to a wine&dine one night stand?

Can you count yourself as a sex partner?  How many times?

And what about hookers and porn stars (“I’m not really a slut – I just have a user-friendly vagina”)?

It’s all pretty confusing to me.  If someone called me a slut, I still wouldn’t know whether to hug ‘em, shrug ‘em, or fuck ‘em.

Aaaaa…aaaa….

Saturday, March 15th, 2014

CHOOO!!!

Why People Stopped Taking Showers

Saturday, March 15th, 2014

We Support “Free” Elections If We Win

Saturday, March 15th, 2014


In June, 2003 the United States occupying forces in Iraq planned an election. A high-ranking US Army spokesperson went on local television and announced that a democratic election would be held the following month. Soldiers, marines and local teachers began registering voters at local schools. After only one day of registration, the election was canceled. Why?  Simply, the US-backed candidate was going to lose.  We pulled a similar stunt in Afghanistan.

Fast forward to the bloody coup in the Ukraine a few months ago. Maybe it was justified – but it certainly was illegal according to that country’s Constitution. Viktor “$75-Million Mansion” Yanukovych was dumped and replaced by Western-backed puppet Arseniy Yatsenyuk.  Although the US legally cannot support a coup nor recognize its new government, Obama quickly invited “Yats” to dinner at the White House and a teary-eyed Kerry promised a $1-billion “loan” which will never be paid back. Fuck Ukraine rules – our guy won.

Russia didn’t like any of this and marched thousands of troops into Crimea, a part of the Ukraine.  It said it will hold an election which is tomorrow.  If the Crimeans vote to align with Russia (which they probably will,) the US won’t recognize the outcome.  Of course if the people reject Russia, we’ll crow it was a vote for democracy and boost economic aid to the region.

The US continues to stumble down our schizophrenic-interventionist path of death and economic ruin.  Sticking our nose into other country’s affairs is why America is hated by most of the world.  What’s that you say?  Obama is different?  Naaah – he’s the same old shit in a different color.

Still My Favorite Commercial

Saturday, March 15th, 2014