Archive for December 14th, 2013

Checkmate!

Saturday, December 14th, 2013

Football’s On!

Saturday, December 14th, 2013

Tax On Stupid People

Saturday, December 14th, 2013

See the pretty ticket above? It costs a dollar. And $500.00 a week for Life is a pretty good prize, right? So here come the official NYS odds for this dream. We’ll start on the smaller prizes first – get ready to WIN!

The odds against winning $1 are 8.77 to 1. For you non-bettors, that means on average, you’d have to buy about NINE tickets to scratch off a dollar winner. But, as the brighter ones in the group have already figured out, you don’t really “win” a dollar because that’s how much you paid for the ticket. So, OK – to win a dollar, you’ve really got to win $2 on the ticket. Odds against a two dollar ticket? About 47 to 1. WHAT? That’s right, Skippy; to actually win a dollar, on average, you’d have to scratch off 47-tickets.

It gets better, right? Right, this is New York State. To win $10, you’ll have to scratch 200 tickets. $100? Get ready to buy 50- thousand, 400-tickets. That’s a lot of buying and scratching for a hundred bucks. And the Grand Prize? $500 a week for Life? Get your coin out and start scratching. Better make it a few coins, you’ll need to scratch 7,938,000 tickets.

Don’t tell anyone though. It kind of ruins the game if you know it would take almost three entire lifetimes of around-the-clock scratching to win $500 a week for the rest of your life. Plus, about $8-million dollars in tickets.

What Do You Say To A Naked Governor?

Saturday, December 14th, 2013

If you ever run into Megan Marshak, you probably shouldn’t ask her where she was on January 26, 1979. The 27-year old Megan was naked in bed that day. No big deal except she happened to be lying under the also naked, 70-year old former Governor of New York, Nelson Rockefeller. Unfortunately, Nelson had just suffered a massive heart attack and was unconscious. Wow – talk about coitus interuptus! How awkward. And how do you get out from under a situation like that?

But Megan knew what to do. She did what any smart mistress would do at that moment – she called her girlfriend and tried to get Nelson dressed. Girlfriend ambled on over and they discussed the situation. At this point, Rockefeller was still technically alive although unconscious.

Now I’m not suggesting for a moment Megan, who was left a New York City townhouse worth millions plus $50,000 in cash in Nelson’s will, hesitated to immediately call for help – for any reason other than appearances. Right.

Finally, after at least an hour, Megan’s girlfriend called an ambulance. Rockefeller died on the way to the hospital. An official autopsy ruled the former Governor died of a massive heart attack. He was cremated 18-hours after his coronary – counting the hour he was getting dressed.